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A Journey into my Mind
Originally I kept poetry in here, but over the years it grew into something more.
Nous sommes au jour d'hui le dat mecredi, le vingt-six mars.

Ashley's ex boyfriend is coming over today... This is not the first time they have spent time together after their break up in September. However, this time is still different. Roughly two weeks ago, Ashley was informed that her ex tried to convince his sister that he needed the car more than she did.....He finally confessed to his sister that he wanted the car so he could be with a friend after school...alone when no one was home.
Her ex, who I will call... "C"- has a past of having this "superman" complex. He tries to save every girl he can by being kind and a perfect gentleman. Whether he actually knows it or not, he leads on these girls into believing that their knight and shining armor has come to rescue them from their teenage tragedies....
He would often return to Ashley- while they were a couple- and complain about how all of these girls were just falling for him hopelessly and how he had to reject them and could not be there for them.
C has locked Ashley in a car for two hours while he and another girl sat outside the car. She confessed her attraction to him and then complained to Ashley about it in a restaurant where they finished their date....
He has left her alone outside in the dark at school while he went to the other side of the building to keep an eye on another girl.... He was concerned that the other students outside would harm her.
The story continues.......but i have made my point.

It broke her heart that after four years of all that he has done to her (and this is only the part involving other girls) that he had not changed one little bit.

I get to witness the looks she will give him and the small wince in her smile. The sadness in her dark eyes that hide her thoughts in shadows. Her memories.

She is to be stuck with this boy in her life no matter what...considering that his parents have practically adopted her. But there is a new boy who plays on her heart strings. He is older...and C's cousin...but he is a much better and more mature person. I am certain of this from what I have seen.
Fighting to move past the painful memories, she finds herself replacing those memories with new ones.
A simple kiss on the cheek from this man sent her blushing to her room where she could play a love song and dance out her excitement.
In moments of silence, I glance at Ashley. I see her quietly swaying in her seat with a smile on her face. Her eyes are brightly fixed on nothing material. She amuses herself with her thoughts and I know she is thinking of him.

Until it fades....

She is happy to finally come to her senses about C. She is happy that she has found someone else she can impress and be something for. She has found someone who is kind and who she can share her secrets with....but he has shared his secrets with her as well.
This secret is confidential, as secrets often are... She her smile fades as she slowly remembers that he cannot love her...because he loves another. Someone who he cannot have.

She has explained her thoughts very clearly. She does not want a relationship because she needs to prove to herself that she is an adult....
I agree with this greatly, but I also understand her innocent desire to get closer to him.
Ashley wants to make him happy again. As he does for her.

Time cannot be rushed. Being impatient is like telling yourself to "hurry up and wait". If you think something is easy, you probably did it wrong.
My mind is full of thoughts, but my voice is empty. I cannot say anything because it does not matter. All I can do is watch. Which concerns me for today.

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