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The Cortex Queue
whatever whenever
and the smaller positives
Today was a little sober. I've only started writing and already I feel like I don't need to resort to other methods to control my stress. It really was that simple and it's a shame it took me this long to remember it. I might as well tell you the lesser things of what I've got going on. I have reached my ideal weight and am trying to build muscle. The one time that I visited PJ's house, I noticed he used powdered nutrients. I got myself some whey protein and I drink down a serving after drowning it in Naked fruit juice every day. I also have a small can of nuts (without peanuts because apparently they cause proteins to fold incorrectly and confuse the body into thinking it has produced the right proteins when it really didn't) I had some liver today (I know, ick maybe, but liver and heart are probably the most delicious parts of the body that I did taste. There was some idea, whether it's rumour or fact, out there that the organ meats were originally eaten in some time period and the muscle meats were discarded or given to the dogs. I'm not going to give up steak or bacon because of that, but I'll limit that for the sake of my bank account. Anyway, I also got myself an apple, I don't recall the brand, but it tasted like a not-so-sweet, large pink lady apple. It was crunchy and kinda sweet and that's pretty much all that matters. As you can see, I've taken PJ's goal to put his life together again and decided that I'm going to do it firstly for myself and secondly so that if he ever sees me again, I would be 1) unrecognizable (or just enough that he'd have to double take) and 2) he'll recognize the issue with instantly assuming that my youth makes me unrelatable in any way. I want to prove that I'm capable of more than he is and de facto out of his league (of course I need to first get to a level where he knows that he made a mistake without me actually having to say anything). I want to beat him at his own game even though he has no idea that he is a player. Hell, I might never actually see him again, but while my mind acknowledges that he lives close enough to randomly encounter me at least one more time in the remainder of this semester, I have a driving force. It may be based on a host of negative emotions, mostly resent, towards him but it'll end up giving me something positive for all my trouble. I don't know, it would be movie perfect if something really would come from all my effort besides my health, but given my unlucky self, I will not be able to lure him back because it never really works like that unless you're in a severe state of denial. I think this is another healthy outlet to use in order to overcome the raw emotion.

Le Visage Inconnu
Community Member
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