The Truth

I always say I'm suicidal
At times I really am
But I really don't want to die
Can't you see the contradiction?

I'm scared of death
Really I am
Evil people do this to me
They control the thoughts

I remember a time when I didn't want to die
I was 6? Maybe 7?
Then I turned 8, and it changed my life
Told to go die everyday

There have been times where I was about to do it
Then I thought
Mommy, Abby, Dad, Jolie, Tesla, everyone
Would they hurt?

They would hurt a million times more than I have
They would cry
They would miss me
I would miss me

These thoughts don't go away
Everyday I struggle
I need to face the truth

I do not want to die
I cannot die
I love everyone and they love me
No matter what

I can't end it
I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone
Help me face the truth
That I do not want to die