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Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.
Deep Creek: Friendships & Relationships

I've been feeling rather exhausted lately.

I'll probably attribute that feeling to my most recent excursion. Deep Creek was fun, but I can tell you. Driving from PHL, to DC, to Deep Creek, back to DC, down to Waldorf, up to Clinton, back to Waldorf, then to PHL was….not fun. At the end of it all, I didn't even consider going to Happy Hour with them on Tuesday because I just did not feel like stopping in DC.

Come to think, I have been traveling a lot since the New Year. In January it was Puerto Rico. Harlem chillin' for Derrick's bday. Last minute Canada turn up (and it's subsequent turn down) with Rob. Then Deep Creek, all before March. It's been a fun first two months I must say.

Deep Creek was definitely fun. It was Omar & Leo, Marlon & Kavon, Me, Kenif, James, and Uncle Maybe from 2/14-17 for James' bday on the 15th. The house was located in Oakland, MD on top of a hill. It snowed everyday we were there which pretty much immobilized us but we found various ways of entertainment from Uno, to Speed, to movies, hide and go sink, liquor, Taboo/pictionary, my classic questions, and even the Newlyweds game….Best friends style!

But it was in the last two, that I feel like I took the most from.

On the night of the 15th, we ended up watching Sucker Punch and The Wiz.

Side note…I'm really trying to sit here and figure out how I want to organize my thoughts here. I really want to talk about the main two topics, friendships & relationships….but I want to talk about my time in Deep Creek as well…I think I'll just break it up into two posts and I'l copy everything above for the next one.

Deep Creek was a lot of fun, although we didn't get to do anything we actually wanted to do, but I still was able to take two very important realizations from my time with everyone.

rofl Friendships rofl

On Sunday night, we played the Newlyweds game…best friend style. It was a fun little twist that Marlon thought of and Kavon and Leo created questions for. Marlon & I were on a team, James & Kenif, and Uncle Maybe & Omar. Honestly, I wasn't expecting too much nor did I feel pressure because Marlon and I were the clear underdogs. We've only know each other for four years, 80% of that time we've lived in different states so it's clear that we lost against the other two…I just wish we didn't lose so bad xp 55-110-120, I believe was the score breakdown, of course age ascending.

To be honest….I felt…kind of bad. I don't know…clearly there is some type of insecurity about Marlon and I's relationships mainly because we don't talk…as much as I wish we could. Marlon has opened up to me on a number of occasions, but the few times I have opened up to him…it just didn't…feel…quite right, so I refrain from doing such. But I know I'll love him forever as a person and will keep him close. I think those insecurities rose in me again after losing.

The real take away from it all was when Kavon and Leo tried to say that they speak to their best friends everyday and know all the trivialities of their lives. That's when I realized that knowing the little things that a person does or doesn't like really doesn't say or mean anything in the long run but it's the love and connection that two people have for each other that will drive longevity in any friendship. Just because I don't know the small things about my best friend doesn't mean I love…or know him any less. Just because you can bring them up at the drop of a dime doesn't mean that you love or know him any more. I pride myself on my friendships being about creating lasting bonds of love and loyalty, where we share our similarities while delving into deeper issues of social behaviors and life tribulations. Where we can grow, build, and influence each other to not only open our minds and hearts, but to also be better citizens for ourselves and our loved ones and whoever we may come across. Oddly enough, as a Virgo details should mean the world to me, but it's always about the bigger picture. I've been through too many "friendships" to preserve dumb information like "their favorite movies" or "what they would do if they didn't like the food on their plate".

If we were being 100% honest, I wouldn't have done that well with Rob or my sister either so I didn't think too much of it. I sulked for a bit, then quickly got over it.

Friendships really come in all different shapes and sizes. Although Marlon and I don't talk like me and Eion talk (or used to) doesn't make my relationship with him any less than. Marlon and I have similar hearts, matching souls where we truly want the best for our loved ones and want to see them grow and evolve while at the same time letting them live life and make their own mistakes…regardless of how we might feel.

At the end Marlon did say he should've done it with Kenif….strangely enough…I don't think I was too bothered by that. They do spend almost everyday together, for reasons…I'm still unsure.

heart Relationships heart

The night before, after watching a few movies…I thought I'd ask a few questions to get people's minds thinking and opinions flowing, but one of them evoked a strong response from Leo that reallllllly stuck with me.

The question was At point in a relationship does your partner's happiness precede your own?

Leo's response: Never…and this is why...

He said that being in a long lasting relationship involves a constant flow of energy from one party to the next where each person is considering their own happiness. In being in that particular relationship and in "love", one choosing to be with their partner and in turn the act of being with their partner makes them happy which should in fact make the partner happy…and vice versa. In laments terms, "I'm happy being with you which makes me happy. You're happy being with me, which makes you happy." I can see where two people may get upset or irritated with each other, but the prevailing force of love for each other will eventually knock all of the negative energy out.

I began to compare it to my situation. I'm happy (or as happy as I can be right now) because I have Rob. He makes me happy, being with him makes me happy. Unfortunately, I can't put his happiness before mine because simply being with him makes me happy….but if he's not happy…that would mean that being with me doesn't make him happy and there's nothing more I can do outside of the love that I give from being happy with him that can make him happy. In turn, him not being happy messes up the constant flow of energy in our relationship which creates a stark friction.

Rob's in one of his "not talking to me phases" and I didn't even do anything. I didn't hear from him much while I was there, he didn't come even though he said he would, and when i got back to his house on Wed night…it seemed as though he didn't want me there. When I asked him about it the next day, he said I worry too much and to live my life….that everything is OK. I told him it's only because I care…and he just responded with, "Well, have a good day." It's hard to be hopeful for our future because we were never on the same page. He's "taking it day by day" and has nothing but an "emotional attachment" to me when I'm trying to look towards the future and our life together. Ugh, our flow is just messed up and I can't even begin to know how to fix it….or if it can even be fixed. The last part is the truth….the reality…it might've been broken for all this time….and unfixable. If only I could get into his mind… sad

Eh… who knows. I'll give him his space for a few days…and continue to try to plan his birthday…



Mood: Eh sad
Music: "Where Did We Go Wrong" - Toni Braxton & Babyface from Love, Marriage, & Divorce
Music(2): "White Candle" - Tamar Braxton from Love & War

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