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Feb 19, 2014 (there will be repeats of this in previous entries I couldn't post last week and can't get to it until maybe next week)

[No matter what I'm doing, whether I'm hosting or offline, I'm thinking of my studies because I have a bright future! So, unfortunately, I'm not in the right mindset to roleplay. I never intended on doing things half-way, but I came back for Valentine's Day against my better judgement because I didn't want to be left behind. I also couldn't stand the idea of admitting defeat, and to my best friend, without even competing, and it became a mess because I wasn't mentally ready.


I am so sorry if I ever seem insensitive but I really like to stay focused. I like that you all want to talk to me, and I've seen the recent interesting comments, because your interest in me means more than I can express in coherent words, but I can't reply yet.


In order to act out my roleplay life, I have to take care of my first life first since, thanks to Tamaki, I have two and we share one body. If I want to go out with friends but I have to stay in for gaia, I have to choose or manage both at the same time. I want to be on and have fun too but I have to be done with everything : D unless you want me to be a high school drop-out, haha. Ok bad joke sorry*


I never mean to hurt anyone and I am not a jerk with empty promises. I'm just really busy. I want to do so many things in life that I don't have time yet. Tamaki and I hate being bored. I naturally find things to do; I take on a lot; it's just more fun. I'm pretty much always doing something. I whine when it's lonely or boring so I'm a bit unapologetic for my schedule : P

Ok... so... there has been 2 or 3 occasions where people find me intimidating sweatdrop -waves- Yo : ) so I thought I should address it.


First, I am so sorry. I had no idea.


I find it funny because you don't have to be afraid : D What can I do? "Tamaki is intimidating" sounds silly haha. If I ask Ranka-san if he's intimidated by me, he would laugh at me LoL. Everyone should take advantage of my jovial nature~ Just like Tamaki, I'm really harmless. My main goal is to have fun and help everyone have fun.


The thing is...I started giving you what I can't truly give you after all (ie: he's not canon if he's online every day). I can't go back on my word or I'll look like a jerk. Doesn't a man honor his promises? I held onto mine since 2011, and it's also for your happiness, so you can't except me to easily drop it. Kyoya tells me our guests probably don't know what "JST" is -rubs the back of his head- I just... didn't want the girls to settle for anything less, especially when they'd want the real guy.


If he were real, he wouldn't be online. I can't give you real Tamaki because you actually wouldn't be able to see him since, like me, he will be out living life, but I can give you nearly him because we're "too similar". Is everyone happy about that? Is everyone okay with almost Tamaki? With me?


Please accept my deepest apologies for ruining anything/everything that meant the world to you. I didn't know it wasn't as important to you as I thought it was. I was trying to protect it all this time. I clung to it for three years because it was so important (I've seen you feel sad and it's easy for you so...) for you to keep your true smile because you deserve a happy life. I accidentally dragged you all with you through my immaturity. "Tamaki = you're happy" was my idea so I couldn't have eased up. It was done for your sake. If I could have lightened up, I'd be less stressed and save time but this wasn't about me.


Unlike Tamaki, I'm not obsessed with approval or deluded that if I can make women smile, my mom is fine.


No, I just want people to be as happy as me so I help them get there. Then we can all have fun together! It's not enjoyable if only I have fun. I can't stand the idea of someone having a sorrowful face (even worse if I cause it). I'm a problem solver ;; What am I supposed to do if a girl is crying?


I don't mean to scare anyone be being too in character. When it's an accident, I can't stop it. I'm being myself. I'll be calm if it helps to contrast your anime vision and it's easier to explain things/think clearly in this tone. Sometimes, it's because I thought he was what you wanted. And if that's what you wanted, I certainly wasn't going to give you half of it, I'm giving you all of it. -absently-mindedly scratches his cheek- Maybe I went overboard but you can't blame me; I'm passionate and...not really thinking. It's like me with Haruhi. Tamaki won't spoil her, but rarely, he forgets and goes all out to show he loves her. It's a subconscious impulse. I'd be too nervous to say anything so I let my actions speak for me and hope she gets it.


Luckily, I finished the cosplays before items got expensive. I feel like I'm being watched. First, my kotatsu I've been silently wanting and tried seeing if there was a table substitute, second, something I forget, third, sparkles, and now the school boy companion. This isn't prince syndrome! (ref: beach chapter) I'm thankful but it makes me wonder.

I just wanted the best for you. Is that bad? (Maybe) It's what the hosts say but it's true: the customers deserve the best. So...I was the best - all for only you. No matter what would do to me, not that it could harm me, because the result was what is publicly seen. Despite sensitivity, I'm nearly invincible, remember? It only caused a constant and large amount of unnecessary stress that never went away for three years. I have high tolerance but in the long run, it's unhealthy and my body and mind actually can't take it. Being optimistic and in denial requires a slap in the face with the truth. Good thing I can't be harmed with the truth. mrgreen I can be sensitive to related feelings, but not the truth itself.


I did my research. I know how some girls can complain their favorite person isn't themselves because of... People do that in the Avatar Arena for accurate cosplays, so why should a series' cosplay and roleplay be different? I took care of everything so no one would have any complaints so that you could enjoy yourselves.