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Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.
Canadian Customs - Denied
I think it's safe to say that this weekend.....was fairly....rough.

I feel like when I have weekends off (from the Courtyard, at least) the time spent shouldn't feel rough at all....but when Sun/Mon came back around and I was back to my reguarly scheduled program...I almost felt as if this weekend was a waste...and that I didn't really have a "weekend" at all.

I decided to work Thursday and Friday night to get some extra money since I already worked overnight on Monday. This is actually, probably the beginning of the downfall.

Thursday night was just rough in a lot of ways, not a lot of huge drama, but a lot of drama nonetheless. I just remember my overnight report being soooooo extensive with all these issues. Not to mention that I believe it was that night that started my "partnership" with Mr. Shaw where he'd pay me for getting him hotel discounts, which I am not mad at all. I could definitely use the extra cash, tbh and I think it's about time I come out somewhere near the top. Plus, I really don't plan to be working for Radisson too much longer anyway. Also, Fri morning right before I got off, we were have a billion issues with valet since a whole group was checking out early and we were sold out the night before and valet had the garage and the Towne Park garage packed. Ugh....it was just extra annoying.

Friday night was a lot quieter, my main issue was just tardiness per usual. Hazel fuking called me at 3:45am, teted me at 4am, and called again at 5:45pm when I told her to get up and get to work. Apparently she fell back asleep and woke up at 7am when she was supposed to be here at 6:30am. So where I was supposed to get off at 6:30, I didn't leave until 7:30. Kileeo was scheduled at 7am but he wasn't even there when I got off -_- Ugh.

That Saturday was Rob and I's scheduled trip to Niagara Falls. We ended up leaving way later than what I wanted because a) I got off at 7am and I was exhausted b) when I called Rob he didn't pick up his phone and c) I went to sleep when I got home, I only meant to sleep for a few minutes, but it turned into a few hours so when I woke up at 10am and called Rob again (with no answer) I just threw some clothes in a bag, picked up my package from the post office, and just went up there to find him knocked out. He said he wasn't really feeling good the night before. Womp stare Not to mention, Rob was making a huge deal about them not checking us in early. whee

Anyway, we left around 11am which didn't put our ETA until around 5:30pm. We made a few short pit stops which pushed our ETA to after 6pm. Driving through the mountains of Pennsylvania and upstate New York was definitely an experience, we finally made it to the boarder and long story short.....Customs wouldn't let us through.

I really felt like we spent an hour in customs. When we first reached the boarder they asked us a billion questions. Then told us we had to go through more screening. Rob apologized and gave himself to fault for the extraness because of past charges (that had since been dismissed).

Anyway, they asked more questions like our relationship, how we knew each other, we got patted down, placed in an isolated room, they took Rob and asked him more question...it was just crazy.

Of course the end result was that we (well, Rob) were denied access into the country of Canada and we were turned around. We passed back through American customs and she said something along the lines of "if you return, they can arrest you." The extraness of it all became unnerving. I felt like we were being treated like a common criminal and I can tell you as we were riding back...I definitely started cryiing. cry

*sigh* When I think about it now, I feel stupid for tearing up but I feel like my reasons were legitimate. At that moment I was going through so many emotions from so many things...it was crazy. I cna probably list them all here...

1) I felt bad for the wasted time, effort, energy, and money. The drive was 12 hours total. The rental car was probably about $100+. Gas and snacks probably was another $100 and we didn't even get to see the falls. About the only thing we did save was $163 on the hotel and I was really planning on getting a couples massage the next morning.

I mean, when we got there it was dark, but we could still see that the water was frozen. We had a whirlpool in the room so I wanted to get in it and sip wine and just be with my babe. The next morning we could get the massage, hit the falls, and hit the road by 9 so I could be to work by 3... sad

2) I felt bad because Rob was literally here 5 months ago in August for his bike week and it didn't make any sense that he was denied this time. The last time apparently his friend just blurted out that they were married and the customs lady so astonished by their declaration of gay marriage just stamped them in. I felt like...because I'm weak...or whatever I couldn't think fast enough on a witty response to seal our entry. That and I felt like...maybe if I didn't go to work...maybe if I went straight to Rob's like I was supposed to...we could've got there early and avoided the drama. Rob suspected that because we arrived late and was just staying the night, that it rose suspicion and led to our denial.

I felt bad because he still has to go through the remnants of a dark past...something he has left behind so long ago. But Rob, being Rob was strong about it and said that he would not let them make him feel bad or determine the person he is today.

3) Also, on the way up...Rob, in an effort to engage me, and I started talking about our past, and future, and the plans we had. Per usual, his future plans never include me, but mine always include him.

Per usual, he did say that he was taking "us" day-by-day and step-by-step and also that he didn't really think that EYE wanted it...which makes absolutely no sense.

And also, when I did ask him a question that I've been meaning to ask for a long time, "What do I do for you?". He had no real answer. He just said that he has an "emotional attachment" to me.

An "emotional attachment"...

I really didn't take that too well. As a being of the Earth, I think with my head first in most situations because I recognize emotions to be fickle and untrustworthy. I think leading by emotions is a fallacy and if you base an entire relationships on emotions alone, it will fail which is why when he said that.....at that moment I felt hallow. Almost like our relationship was just a shell that can easily be broken whenever he no longer felt emotionally attached or connected. It reallllllly hurt.

I saved some face by explaining how I felt, but then relating that although emotions mean little to me, perhaps emotions mean everything to him and that these "emotions" are the driving force behind his willingness to make something work, especially the complicated mess that we have.

I feel like...again, the only way I can show that I'm serious is to really start building our life, but of course that comes with it's own roadblocks. I feel like I've failed him in so many ways, yet I just can't escape the feeling that we need time apart. Maybe he needs time to miss me, perhaps time to, hopefully, realize through all the mess...that we really belonged together. But I also know that we both have a lot things indivually to work through. In a perfect world we'd help each other through the rough times...but I don't think he wants that.

We also did some comparing to see why our outlooks are so different. Although I'm the Earth sign...practical, realistic, unmoving...I have so much more hope and positivity for our situation where he feels like he's bound to die any second. I brought up the article I read a while ago where that guy committed suicide. Rob assured me that he wouldn't give up....and i'll hold him to it.

There isn't anything else I really want to say. We arrived back to Rob's around 2am. Rob already promised his bed to Yolanda so he came to my house (I thought he came because he wanted to spend more time with me cry ). We drank some of the Pink Moscato Champagne, I took a shower and we went to bed. He went back home the next morning.

There really isn't anything else I want to write about...maybe some stuff about meeting Blair next week, The Mighty Writers Philadelphia, and Deep Creek...but all that can wait.

This weekend did feel really rough though. When I woke up again on Sunday, I felt like I got hit by a truck, but I felt a lot better Monday morning. I just worry....a lot. But it might be time to stop thinking about "us" and maybe start focusing on me so I can build us. Apparently the world's trying to tell me that as an incomplete man, I shouldn't be dating...but who listens to the world anyway right? :S

Love and Blessings heart


Mood: Eh... :S
Music: "The D Word" - Toni Braxton & Babyface from Love, Marriage, and Divorce

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