jongsoo invited himself over today. he knocked on my door at 11:30something or so.
he actually called my phone not long after i arrived back in korea. i didn't hear it. i was doing customs junk or something. i called him back since i thought maybe it was important. he said "i just missed your voice."..... ug.
that was when it was all "so i will probably be back in JP tuesday, do you want to have dinner if i come back?" and i'm like "fine whatever." but he didn't call. and i made plans with someone else (Libby & Mike). we met on time. he didn't call about dinner until 8pm. too dang late for dinner. actually, 7:30 is late for me for dinner... anyway i didn't hear my phone. no one did. and after dinner i was talking to libby.
she noted how J was liking everything i posted on fb, and commenting and stuff. she said that even tho mike was trying to keep J busy - J was seeming to be floundering.
i told her about his "i missed your voice" line.
he messaged me later, and i told him i wasn't home when he called, that i had gone for dinner and that it was bed time (for it was when i had eaten, and gone to libby's to get my rose plant back).
so he knocks on my door at 11:30 or 40 or abouts this morning.
"come in, i guess." was my answer.
we talked a bit. he hugged me once, and tried for a twice, but i had to push him off kind of.
the banking issue was brought up and he volunteered to go. i said i was going to ask nicole to help me, but she just left for vacation and won't be back for a bit. and the long weekend is a holiday, and then i go back to school. i can't get to the bank on school days. so i had to accept his offer.
i feel sh*tty accepting anything from him now.
before - i just felt indebted.
now - i feel like a user, and i worry he might think more of my accepting his help since we're broken up.
he needs to know the boundaries, and so i'm making them clear to him.
i had to point out to him that i don't hug everyone here, and when i do hug them, it's usually a goodbye hug. i had to point out that i have a 3 foot circle of personal space. then i had to spell out - "i have only hugged Kyle once in his 5 ish months of being here, and that was after a long night with him and other friends and we'd all had some drinks. i have never hugged robert, and he's been here the same amount of time. i might have hugged david once or twice. i have high fived him more than any other physical contact. so my hugging you as "just a friend" is a stretch."
his hearing this made him a bit pissy. i'm not about to bend. not any more. not to him. if i give him an inch, he'll take a mile and i know it.
but i feel sh*tty to have to act that strict and tough, when he helped me get my banking done.
we got a late lunch. and then he wanted coffee. i needed coffee so i could stay awake this long. i probably shouldn't have said yes to either.
he says he's fine. but i don't think he totally is.
he says he wants us to be "good friends" and i told him, "i don't know. it depends on your definition of close friends, and even for that - it is too soon."
he just can't understand there has to be a time of transition. and he can't accept there are changes to be made.
if i must be a b*tch, then i'll be a magnificent one!!!!!!!!!
now i just have to keep telling myself that.
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