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What should I say (or write, rather)? I might make this my last entry, despite having found typing here a bit fun and stress-relieving. My life is just much too busy to keep up with this. So... How should I end this? Hm...
Well, work has been okay, for the most part. I just feel a bit nervous about the future. A lot of people call me Superman at work. (There were also some from high school and UCLA, but this is about work.) Everyone knows how versatile I am and I get moved around quite a bit, causing my schedule to change. (My morning workouts get pushed from six to three-thirty, sometimes four, sometimes five, but, again, this is about work.) I do not understand how my supervisor has so much authority over those who are supposed to have even more power. Supervisors and managers have to literally beg her to borrow my services for a day or two. Sometimes, I am okay with this because I am the only one capable of doing everything as a one-man unit. Other times, I would rather embrace monotony for a chance at less stress. *shrugs*
What makes me most apprehensive about the future is the fact that the higher-ups see me as the solution to all problems. I can almost feel the weight of the world, or rather of the thousands of people who work in the area, on my shoulders before even accepting the higher position. I know what to do, for the most part, but I am not sure that I can make much of a difference. I might just end up like all of the others in upper management. What if I make a mistake and everyone loses their jobs? What if I just get used to help, then they let me go without so much as a thanks? What if the stress kills me? There are so many more doubts and worries, but I need to stop. I do not want to feel so overwhelmed at this time. I need a break.
Speaking of breaks, I have considered traveling for my vacation. I could go to Hawaii because I have never taken the trip, but I do not want the sun to burn me the entire trip. I could visit France and put my several years of French to good use. That sounds pretty good. I could stay in Southern California and find a decent location to move to, while organizing the thousands of notes on my phone and laptop. I am long overdue for that.
Pertaining to moving out, I love my family but need my own space. I told my parents that I plan to move soon. My mother laughed and my father later took me aside to tell me that he would rather buy a house with a three bedroom guest house in the back for my sister and myself. I only gave it one thought, one consideration. This came from the person who gave me so many hopes and promises for the future, only to let me down every single time. I have grown to rely on only my actions. People say that they care, people make promises, but only I make thoughts into reality. I do not mean to say that I would rather be without people in the world. We need people in this world for too many reasons for me to write. Talk to me in person about it sometime. Or not. *inhales and exhales deeply*
Okay, okay, okay. Let me get to the reason for these lyrics. I chose two songs because they both have the same title, and they both happen to have a great message. I left the Coldplay one for last because it is the last track on their award-winning "A Rush of Blood to the Head" album. I do not understand why singers/songwriters use Amsterdam as a title or a reference in their songs. Is it a magical place? Do miracles happen? Maybe epiphanies. Do people find love there? I have no idea, and I may never know. I am also not sure if the singers/songwriters have an idea, either.
Imagine Dragons had a great year. They put a lot of heart and soul into their work and live shows. No, I never attended their concerts, but I have seen clips. Their album was a great piece of work. I do not know how they can top "Night Visions". Anyway, I love the encouragement of the chorus: "Your time will come, if you wait for it", despite constantly feeling let down and down on his luck. Hm... This sounds familiar...
Coldplay. Oh, Coldplay, Coldplay, Coldplay. You created another great album, although not as good as the previous ones, in my honest opinion. I feel a bit disheartened that you bring great music into this world, but you have to compete against many other great music artists. Your greatest moments may be behind you in terms of awards, but you still have a high level of prestige in my eyes.
I first heard Coldplay's "Amsterdam" when I bought the album. I first purchased the "X&Y" album and immediately fell in love while I was in high school. Then, a few weekends later, I heard "The Scientist" for the first time on the radio while vacuuming the house. I knew instantly recognized Chris Martin as the vocalist and thought that a newer album came out. It turned out to be the previous one, so I went to Borders to pick up a copy for $22 plus tax. It was like cheating on my first love "X&Y", even though it was the same band. I had so many mixed emotions, but the songs helped clear my mind. "Amsterdam" spoke to me on the general level of falling into monotony and stagnation in high school- tons of homework, volunteering, having no time for friends/socializing, helping others, other worries. As I grew older, I see this song as a cry for help in one's fading hope. Hope for love, a family, a sense of being understood, being relied upon, knowing that someone goes out of their way for you. Why am I speaking in that point of view? My hope was fading, hope for love, a family, a sense of being understood, being relied upon, knowing that someone goes out of their way for me. I honestly thought that 2013 would be my year. It was the year of the snake (and still is for a bit longer). I wore this snake ring without taking it off for the whole year, hoping for something great. I just got a whole heap of that let down feeling you get when you are five and your father promises to take you to the park but never shows up and you see him a month or two later and still not go. Maybe that is why I like parks but stay away. Okay, okay, okay. Enough.
I hope you like the lyrics.
"Amsterdam" by Imagine Dragons
"I'm sorry, mother... I'm sorry, I let you down
Well, these days I'm fine - No these days I tend to lie
I'll take the West train, just by the side of Amsterdam
Just by my left brain, just by the side of the Tin man
I'm sorry, brother... I'm sorry, I let you down
Well, these days you're fine - No these days you tend to lie
You'll take the West train, just by the side of Amsterdam
Just by your left brain, just by the side of the Tin man
Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It's hard, believe me... I've tried
But I keep coming up short
I'm sorry, lover... You're sorry; I bring you down
Well, these days I try and these days I tend to lie
Kinda thought I was a mystery and then I thought I wasn't meant to be
You said yourself fantastically, "Congratulations you were all alone"
Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It's hard, believe me... I've tried
Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It's hard, believe me... I've tried
But the rain won't fall for the both of us
The sun won't shine on the both of us
Believe me when I say, that I wouldn't have it any other way
Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It's hard, believe me... I've tried
But I won't wait much longer 'cause these walls they're crashing down
And I won't wait much longer 'cause these walls they're crashing down
And I keep coming up short"
"Amsterdam" by Coldplay
"Come on, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
If I, if I'd only waited
I'd not be stuck here in this hole
Come here, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear, I waited and waited
I've got to get out of this hole
But time is on your side, its on your side, now
Not pushing you down, and all around
It's no cause for concern
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath
And time is on your side, its on your side, now
Not pushing you down, and all around
No it's no cause for concern
Stuck on the end of this ball and chain
And I'm on my way back down again
Stood on the edge, tied to the noose
Sick to the stomach
You can say what you mean
But it won't change a thing
I'm sick of the secrets
Stood on the edge, tied to the noose
And you came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose"
 KeilovesMizuho · Wed Jan 29, 2014 @ 05:00am · 0 Comments |
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