Forget and move on

1/18/2014, 7:21 a.m.

I deleted her off my contacts in a heartbeat. I deleted all my texts from her. I deleted her number off my call log. I deleted all her pictures I kept on my phone. I threw away that card she sent me a couple months ago. ... I don't want her in my life after yesterday.

She broke her promise to me. She completely broke it. I didn't cry for sh*t because I felt it coming. I knew in some way or another she was going to end it with me. But off a reason like hers? She must've forgotten that she's talking to one that been raped when they were young as well. stupid.

She said ,"I loved you". Past tense. No matter what; I "always" keep my promise, but I will never go back to her knowing how she did that. I had my hopes up until she called me telling me she. Got raped. I have my suspision, but why leave me when I know how you feel? Cause I been there! After, I didn't make the people I cared for my enemy, and kept torturung. Them by continueing to talk them. I'm not giving sympathy. And when I was in that situation in the past; I didn't so much as asked for no ones sympathy. More so ever mention it.

You first talked to Lynn, so that already got me feeling pretty damned. Second, you broke up with me then ask how was my f*cking day. "Pretty sh*tty after that", and lastly you go off saying you're leaving me cause you got raped! What the actual f*ck! Never in my life had I heard of dropping charges and letting them go. That's not how it work! They're still suppose to go to f*cking court, you getting. Checked out for sperm in you or out you! The law won't allow.that!

One thing I wanted to do yesterday was talk on the phone instead of texting. Just so I can tell her "I don't hate you, I'm not crying, nor will I cry. But know one thing before I turn the otherway and forget about you. I "will" and "always" love you, but you need help. No matter how much you think about it, you need help. Just like how you always told me. I'm already on the ground and I can't get.any lower. Especially by your words. No matter how many scars you and life will put on me, I will continue to lift myself off it, dust myself off, and continue to walk to search for the greater. " I would of killed to. Of said that over the phone.

No matter how much she try to tell me, she made it clear that she "loved" me. So while she was talking to me, she did not care or love me. So what was the point carrying on the conversation.

So now I embrace those lyrics from Mary J. Blige, "I can do bad all by myself".