Well I guess you can say I'm happy... It's more like I'm OK. but I'm not always sad so that's better then nothing.

Being the person that I am i require a lot things and by a lot of things i mean 2-3 things that need a lot of energy i guess you can say.
I like attention, but not drama attention or spotlight attention, I like the kind of attention you get from a lover, the kind of attention that makes you feel loved and warm on the inside. I like to be able to always talk to my lover, not all the time bcuz i get bored easily but it's nice to know they're there.

I'm not sure how much longer i'll have my job for :/ it's the perfect dream job for me i love it but I'm kind of slacking, I have almost no motivation for anything anymore, I even stopped working out which i used to love to do, I don't even look for new music like i used to. Music was life for me is saved me from a terrible time in my life but now.. now it feels like nothing can bring me back.. I made promises that I wouldn't hurt myself anymore but the temptation to feel something other then sadness is too strong, i used to sleep to get away from it all but now the sadness has even invaded my dreams, I barely sleep anymore I stay up till 3-5 am and will sleep til 8-9.

It's like nothing in my life is good. I'm still in high school and i have the responsibilities of an adult.
Don't get me wrong ikno life comes with that as you get older but I've been through too much i just need a break sometimes then when i finally get one. I'm slacker for trying to take a break..
I can't wait till i can leave from here. Be my own person start somewhere new where people don't know me..
I dont talk about how I'm feeling that often, unless i'm asked but even then i dont wanna burden people with my pathetic life..
I just want a friend or a lover either one is good but i lose everybody so quick nobody want to stick around even if they promise..

I dont know anymore.. i just wanna feel something other then sadness and disappointment i guess..