I thought life was getting better for a few days. I finally got on break, and I was extremely depressed. I didn't want to do anything. My mom and boyfriend left on vacation, I just slept and didn't eat. It was horrible. After sleeping for about 36 hours, I finally felt not tired. I then began playing Harvest Moon Magical Melody and got really into it. So I began to feel better. Also doing this caused my weight to drop from 94 down to 92.0. Then Joseph came.
He's staying with Kevin, so the first night, Kevin dropped him off at my house. The whole thing angered me. But Joseph told me that Kevin feels like I don't want to see him and sh*t. He said he wanted to see me and talk to me. I was having a hard time believing it since he blocked me. That was like a big "I hate you, you're a crazy stalker, never talk to me again." move in my opinion.
But I decided to go and see him, with Joseph as a moderator to make sure I wouldn't kill Kevin. He explained to me the reason he blocked me was out of fear Chris would stalk him and kill him. I would have never ever come to that conclusion. But he unblocked me. He then apologized for the way he was while we dated. He said I deserved so much better. He seemed on the verge of tears. We talked for a long time. Me not saying much. I can tell he still likes me though. I left for the night and thought maybe things were looking up. I had been able to laugh with Joseph like old times. I hadn't smiled or laughed in months. I also thought maybe Kevin and I could be friends again. Then all 3 of us could hang out and it would be fun.
My mom has noticed I lost more weight, so she said I needed to go eat with Joseph. So we went and had Japanese food which used to be a safe food for me. The next day I had gone up to 92.4. That automatically started my day in a sh*tty mood. Joseph was supposed to take me to Japantown, but he slept too late. I decided for that day I wasn't going to eat much. We went over to Kevin's, and talked about taking a trip together, then we went to the mall because there was this game I wanted. They didn't have it. By then, I was so out of it by not eating all day. We went to Outback because that also used to be a safe food for me. During dinner they were talking about what they were going to say at my funeral as I pushed around my tiny pieces of food. It was so depressing. After that, I couldn't take anymore and went home.
While we were there, Kevin told me Emily would be on the trip and to not tell her we had sex because she would flip. I am not going to go.
It's Christmas now. I got on the scale and now I am 92.6. I am so depressed now. I am going to have to eat again today. I hate this. I hate everything.
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