It's the most boring Christmas ever. I just spent my day watching a tv series (Mako Mermaids) online and playing Gaia. No visitors whatsoever, at least I had my peace. Although they had a little videoke downstairs, which finished earlier than expected. Last night, which was Christmas eve, we just ate and watched The Tudors then went to sleep. Still, I'm thankful for everything we had for Christmas.

I'm still pretty sad about Sucy. I think about her all the time. When I wake up, she's the first thing on my mind, when I gotta go upstairs, I still think that she's still there, and before going to sleep.

I think it was my fault that she died. She was still strong but she started getting ill after I let her out to the terrace. I think she might have ate something that poisoned her. There are plants there that could have been poisonous for her. I tried giving her medications and food but she still won't eat and keeps vomiting. She's a little better after I gave her some medicine and was able to bark again but she started getting worse again. She's been ill before and we were able to treat her so, I thought this was going to be the same thing. But when I woke up in the morning, I saw that she had vomited again and when I touched her, she was cold and her eyes are open but she's like she's not seeing anything. Then I saw that her eyes are rolling, I called her name but she's not responding anymore. I massaged her stomach a little then she got her head up but turned from me. I thought that maybe she just fell asleep with her eyes open and now she's awake that she felt my hands on her. I tried to make her face me and when she won't I just waited for her to move and do something but her head slammed on the floor. I didn't thought that she was going to slump like that so I wasn't able to catch her. I was shocked and I knew that she's going to pass away soon. I tried to hold my tears but I can't. I didn't told anyone yet because in my mind I'm still hopeful that she'll survive.

I am so sad that I wasn't even able to greet anyone Merry Christmas, except those whom I have no choice but to greet. I tried to show them that I'm okay now and that I've moved on after a day of crying but I'm not.