Thought I'd try this before I start to cut my arms again.
I'm a bad person. I know it. I kicked myself off tumblr because that just fuels my sadness. But today, I went on tumblr and looked at my boyfriend's page. It was filled with drugs and pictures of his arms all burned and sad pictures of him trying to stay sober. I am the one who asks him to stay sober. I am just making him more upset. I hate myself for making him so sad. I'm also sad because he doesn't seem to tell me how he is feeling anymore. We have sex and we laugh about surface things, but we don't talk anymore. We have decided that we just take our problems out on each other when we are upset, so I guess we don't talk anymore. But now he is curious to try other drugs, like molly, but that makes me uncomfortable so I asked him not to. I feel like I am putting too many expectations on him. Why should I care that much if he smokes or drinks or does hard drugs? Sure, I care, but I shouldn't run his life. He actually had a post about how he smokes and no one else should care. He has also told me that because I ask him not to, he wants to do it more. But maybe that's just the way I interpreted it. I dunno. I just really hate myself and I don't deserve any happiness with him.
· Mon Dec 23, 2013 @ 06:33pm · 0 Comments