Finals are over, with the exception of a late assignment I've been procrastinating on. It's been hanging above my head for a few weeks now. At this point I might be too late in turning it in. I feel a bit ashamed about it, since I was striving to be the best I could be this semester. But everything else is done. I can take is easy for a bit. I'm really looking forward to this break, since I took summer classes this year too. That means I've been going non-stop for three semesters!
Anyway I'm trying my best not to isolate myself anymore. I've been hiding for quite sometime now, and all my anxiety problems have taken quite a toll on me. So my first steps are small, I'm trying to slowly involve myself more on the internet again. I'm going to attempt to keep this account going and in addition to that I made a reddit account so I can gain some experience participating in discussions; I really need to learn how to communicate with people again. Greg and I both started liveournal accounts as well, so I'll probably head over there next. We made accounts to basically write letters to one another, sort of in the Hank/John Green fashion. Greg came up with the idea,since we both get insanely lonely. He works 2 weeks on one week off. So we do get to see each other every two weeks for a week, but it's still not the same as when we lived together. The letters will basically include scattered thoughts, love notes, and discussions on videos, articles, news, ect.
Also I'm receiving a new laptop for Christmas! It was a combined gift for me from a few people. Unfortunately, my mother was one of the participants, I'm very grateful but also hesitant in accepting her money/gifts. But I'm insanely excited as I haven't owned a personal computer in years ( i don't really count my little dysfunctional netbook). With my new laptop I'll be able to do my homework more easily, use photoshop and play games! It'll be great to get invested into online gaming, I feel like that'll really help me connect with people better. I'm especially excited to play League of Legends again, since last time I played Greg bought me Ahri, my favorite champion, and I had Just earned enough points to obtain Quinn. I know lots of peeps that play league, including Gregs' whole family, so I'm really psyched about playing.
Anyway that's pretty much all for my general update. In the next couple days I'll be traveling so I'm not sure how often I'll update. Anyway on to today.
Today I had something really upsetting happen. My baby corn snake escaped. I originally went to his tank to get it packed up for my trip and I was preparing his travel container and he was no where to be found. I cried on the phone hysterically to Greg for three hours while tearing my room apart. Once my roommate Matt was awake he joined the search despite his fear of the little guy. Matt eventually found him underneath my dresser. I have no idea how the little jerk escaped T.T I would have been so devastated if he'd been gone for good. I love my pets like crazy.
Anyway, I think this is good for now, At least for a gaia entry. Other blurby things on my mind just include dealing with my anxiety and trying to be a better girlfriend. Or rather just a better person in general. I don't want to hide anymore.
Also trying to work on weight loss once again. I feel very out of shape, and I think my health has also decreased the past few months because I stopped working out. My first semester back I was in such good shape! 118lbs! I was 140lbs about 2 and half years ago. At the moment I kinda fluctuate between 123-125. I guess I didn't gain a massive amount but I did lose all that toning I did. I want that back! Nutrition is a big deal to me, and I hope I can adapt to my previous habibts again ( using my fitnesspal/gym/daily walks/30 day shred).
Quick Note: My anxiety has become so severe I have constant nightmares about loved ones like Greg and Ouro dying. I wake up crying and unable to breathe. In general when I feel anxious my symptoms include: hearts racing,chest pain, spasms in my chest, problems breathing as if I'm drowning, nausea, fatigue,headaches,muscle spasms,shaking, twitching racing thoughts, blurred vision ect. I used to just hyperventilate and get scared I might be dying...but the physical demands on my body now are just incredible. I never have any energy. At one point it was thought I was having seizures as well, but those oddly subsided.
I suppose that's everything for now,
Sorry this Journal was all over the place,
Bai Bai! heart
I still haven't figured out a gift for Greg..and I haven't had much time to make something...I'm really hoping I can figure something out T.T ughu
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