I haven't done one of these in a while, it 12:01 am and im watching Athena sleep so mama can get some sleep, im not tiered despite the fact that i only slept about 5 hours.
I feel lonely not in the i need to cuddle and kiss( wouldn't mind tho) but in the where am i going in life and where is my family. I've always dreamed of my family suddenly getting on track and stop using drugs and come together. That's a pointless dream i have. Me and my little sister are the only ones that are close, we only have each other and no one else that we can actually rely on, its sad in a way but in another its the best thing. I want to protect her and keep her safe make sure she has what she needs her and Athena. Its not my job im not her mother but i feel as if i am, ive taken on the role for quite some time.
the feeling of just crying my soul out is what i want to do almost every night but it will not do any good just leave a damp pillow. i feel angry, sad, hopeless, powerless, unuseful. because i cant provide for them properly or at all for that fact. im there one hope of getting out of this dump and making a better life. giving them a chance. i just need an opportunity.
i pray to God to help me give me strength hope and an opportunity. but i've prayed for so long im starting to loose hope, i dont want to but its starting to slowly fade away......
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