Long sighs
Pain in my eyes
Living everyday expecting surprise.
Sitting in the dark and ponder how I fit.
I'm really going through it right now.
I'm slowly losing it, but I guess I always was.
I got two letters yesterday.
Both of them pretty much destroy the future I was trying to make.
There's a bright side though right!
******** s**t!!!
"Everything you want, ever did want
We got it why not come get it, stick your head in that hole
And watch me drop this cold guillotine."
I found new music in my despair.
I swear to you I always find new music when I'm deep in s**t.
I keep shaking.
I isolated myself.
Wasn't like I wasn't already doing that.

"The screens flashing red, can't see s**t but heads
Spinning exorcist like planets
Out of orbit off the edge
Off mine axis whipping through doors to far more than all that's ever been said - yah
Tie the chord kick the chair and your dead - yah"

I'm so ******** alone.
I've got nothing.
I've got no one.
It's my fault.
It's all my fault.
It's my fault.
For being such a worthless tiny insignificant spec of s**t.
I just need to calm down.
At least to the point where I can sit still for a minute.
It's just getting worse lately.
All of it.
So hard to ******** cope.
Acting is getting hard.
Urges are getting harder to maintain.
As much as I hated therapy at least I had someone I could yell at.
Someone else to at least take a bit of this.
Now I've got nothing, no one.
Only a matter of time before the bugs come back.
Before I start choking on the still air.
Before I start seeing ghosts again.

"Taking it back to the days of trying to lose control
Swerving in a blaze of fire, raging through my bones"

I'm going to get wasted.
Like alcohol poisoning wasted.
Then I'm going to smoke some pot.
Then I'm going to call Christine.
I'll get her sisters boyfriend to get me heroin.
I'm going to try that, and if he calls his friend I'll get meth.
Then if I'm still up to it, actually regardless I'm going to run.
Hopefully my heart will stop.
It's not suicide is it?
It doesn't matter.
I'm rocking.
I need to fight.
I need to clear my mind.
There's nothing left anyway.
I'm useless space.
Taking a trip Suicide Lane
******** you
Wastin' my life in altered states.
My ******** head is pounding.
That's 6 shots down.
The ******** noises.
9 shots.
I ant no lightwight
ist 7km sibher