She's gone music has changed.
I'm alone now.
Two posts in one day.
That's only when I'm feelin' mighty special.
Of course it's really rare I feel happy.
Especially lately.
I'm just waiting for something shitty to happen to me.
Uh oh the cynicism is breaking through.
Whatever happens it'll probably be my fault.
It's always my ******** fault.
I ******** deserve the s**t I go through.
I'm starting to forget why I even bothered doing this.
Now that she's gone I'm really losing interest in that "conquest".
The more I think about it the stupider it seems.
Sure it would give me a reason to be interested in a while.
When it's all said and done I'd be bored again.
I need something to last.
Though I have always been a fan of instant gratification.
Maybe even I can learn patience.
Slim chance there though.
I'm really getting into country music lately.
It has really strong feelings.
At least the kind I'm listening to.
It stands out.
I'm not a fan of the tractor crap though.
Either strong hate or deep love nothing else.
I guess that sums me up quite nicely as well.
Then again maybe not.
I'm a monster.
This is usually the point where I get really drunk and hurt myself.
It's far too early for that right now, and Supernatural comes on in two hours.
My Tuesdays used to be so much more special.
As I said things are changing.
The love of my life is different from me.
Yet we have so much in common.
I hope she has a nice life.
I'm speaking as if I were to do something drastic.
Maybe I am.
The fates of music shuffle just had to play All I wanted.
All this time I spend feeling empty, and she still makes me choke.
She really does deserve better.
I'm no good.
Amy Whinehouse understood.
Look at her now.
People always seem more interesting dead.
They have secrets I could never know.
Things about them I could never find out.
Maybe someone will feel this way about my corpse.
Or not I'm the weird one.
I've accepted it, but I still complain.
It's either that or an early retirement if you catch my drift.
I crack myself up.
Sins of the father.
And mother in my case.
Nobody wants me.
I'm unneeded.
Wasted oxygen.
"We've been here before. Someday you'll forget me. All that will be left is the tiny fragments of our broken dreams. In my dying dreams is endless sleep. These dreams came cascading down in a stream of fond memories and lost hope, at the end of it all."

Everything went black..
As it so often does in my mind.
I can't express feeling long enough.
It just isn't possible.
This is the moment in a conversation where I'd begin faking.
Thirty minutes have passed and honestly I think I spent the most time just staring.
Not really typing anything.
Or deleting once I reached eight periods.
Cause it's my special number for some reason.
At least lately.
I remember a time where it was 1, but technically it was two since I did it twice.
I had to do things twice for the extra one.
Realizing the stupidity in that I some how moved on to eight.
So here I am.
Right so I feel nothing.
My mind is blank right now.
Just taking up space.
Like I normally do I guess.
Taking up space but no one seems to notice.
My incense id dying out.
Inhale it's fire it burns my soul.
I don't know.
I made pasta.
I'm probably going to cook Thanksgiving dinner.
Not because I want to but because people take it seriously for some reason.
It's just food to me, but ehhh..people's customs.
I put the incense out on my stomach.
It doesn't hurt much anymore.
This wave of indifference.
Let's see how long it goes before hate takes its place.
Or self-loathing
Or heart break from my lost love.
I can't tell what would be my default.
This or anger.
Oh I'm forgetting the occasional happiness.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.
Weep and you weep alone.

Supernatural needs to hurry up and come on.