11/6/2013 5:46 PM

I don't know what to think anymore. I just keep coming back to sit here and write to myself. I want to sleep, but I am just tossing and turning. You often hear "we're not together anymore" or "ex-boyfriend" or "I'm not in a relationship right now" and you think that two people separated. I can say for certain that it may sound that way, but it doesn't feel it. I can be told all day that I'm no longer in a relationship, but inside I still feel exactly the same towards Her. I love Her, care about Her safety, have Her on my mind all the time, want Her near day and night. Words and labels are just that; they don't change my feelings at all. I am still the same as before. Nothing is different for me except that all of a sudden I am alone with all of these feelings. No blame to place. It's just the way I feel inside. It's horrible. The feeling of having the carpet of life pulled out from under you. One day love, happiness and bliss, the next pain, suffering and depression. I want to wait and let things fall into place, but a huge part of me tells me to try and fix things. It tells me to take charge and stand up and get what I need back. I don't know how to shut this part of me up, so I will write.