I have a girlfriend. I also have a scar on my left cheek that looks like the face of an angry man who tried to grow out of my face but was trapped beneath my skin.
“Baby, what do you think of my scar?” I ask in a sad voice. Her eyes open a bit wider, then she shakes her head.
“What scar?” Is she trying to make me feel better? She places her hand on my cheek and smiles. “I only see the man I agreed to go out with.” I smile back and take her other hand in mine.
“Really, what do you think of it?” I ask. She smiles a bit wider.
“It’s just another part of you.” My smile drops and I look down.
“I’m sorry I’m self-conscious about it…” I mutter.
“It’s fine,” she says, moving her face closer to mine. My smile can’t help but return and we kiss. But, it feels empty…I feel empty. I can’t find that feeling in my chest, in my body, as our lips touch. Is there an emptiness coming from her, too? As we release she smiles at me, and I give her a sad smile back and a kiss on the cheek for good measure. She turns to leave and my hand squeezes hers, and she gives me a squeeze back before letting go. I find myself searching for extra warmth from somewhere on my body.
I have a best friend. I also have a second hand that wishes it were holding something. I wish my girlfriend were with me.
“Hey…what do you think of my scar?” I ask her. Her eyes seem to brighten as they widen with puzzlement.
“Haven’t we discussed this before?”
“Yeah, but….” I say, looking down.
“Well…” She puts her on my cheek and rubs her thumb over my scar. “It’s a part of you, and we gotta live with it.”
“‘We?’” I repeat and look at her.
“Yeah. You, and everybody around you.”
“Do you think it makes me uglier?” I press. She continues thumbing my scar.
“You look great,” she says. Apparently, a lot of girls think I have a good face, minus the scar. I don’t know if that’s true, how that’s true, or how that’s possible, and I can’t tell if she’s appealing to that sentiment or not.
“Does it make me look cooler?” I joke.
“I don’t know about that,” she says in an unsure tone. Is that a joke back, or a hint of concern in her voice? I unconsciously pull my face away from her hand, which hangs in the air.
“I’m sorry. I’m always self-conscious and complaining about it,” I apologize. She pulls her hand back, then runs her fingers over the face on my face.
“It’s all right, it’s normal for you to worry about your blemishes,” she says. I pull her hand away from my face.
“I’m always griping about something or other though….”
“You’re fine. Go ahead and gripe about anything.” She gives me a kind smile. I stare at her. She smile extinguishes.
“You think it looks good?” Her eyes shift back and forth, thinking of an answer, or scanning me, looking at me, or looking between me and the scar screaming for release from my face. She looks into my eyes and gives a subtle nod. Before I know it I realize that our lips have connected. I don’t know who started it, but we’re kissing now and it doesn’t feel wrong.
I grab her hand and it lasts longer. It feels like something was wrong with my girlfriend. Not her, exactly. Both girls are very nice, and both of them make me very happy. But my best friend sees something that my girlfriend doesn’t. She acknowledges things my girlfriend won’t. Maybe there was a third wheel when I kissed my girlfriend—every time we kissed. Maybe there were parts of me that weren’t getting all of my girlfriend’s love. Right now it’s just me and my best friend. Just us two.
She releases earlier than I had hoped, but she squeezes my hand and I return her grip. Her eyes shift to the other part of me.
“It’s okay. I see it, it’s okay.” I hope that’s what she’s saying to me. Being with my best friend, something feels more right. With my other hand I pull her close to me, feel all of her warmth against my body, beckoning all of the warmth from my body, all of which she can feel, she acknowledges, that I can’t believe my girlfriend has felt before. I think I owe my girlfriend an apology, and a good reason why it won’t work out between us.
I probably wasn't explicit enough with the message, but I don't think this guy is the most explicit with morals and feelings. Still, maybe the implication is buried too deep down to be taken without extra thinking effort. Anyway, that point is it's better to acknowledge and accept all parts of a person than ignore his/her faults or the parts you don't like. It seems both girls like, or love, this guy and care about him, and he says both of them are very nice so his girlfriend shouldn't be brushed off as shallow, but the key point is while his girlfriend seems to ignore his scar ("What scar?", "It's *just another* part of you" wink , and I believe she also ignores any other faults in his personality, that is she brushes it off when he acts up and she only sees the reasons why she loves him rather than things that are good and loveable and things that aren't loveable about him, his best friend accepts his scar and his griping and any other faults of his ("It's *a part* of you", "*we* have to live with it", "[My scar/My face with the scar] looks good? *nod*", "Go ahead and gripe" wink ("It's fine" vs. "You're fine", It being a noun pretty much referring to nothing while You're makes a more personal connection), and for those reasons (acceptance > ignorance) this guy feels better going out with his best friend than his current girlfriend.
· Sun Oct 27, 2013 @ 09:06pm · 0 Comments