Here is something to listen to before reading. This question has always been pondering upon my head ever since I conceived the question; what is the purpose of life, about three years ago. I have been on a quest since to find an answer by since then. I have found a bunch really, such as: it has no answer, life is an accident, to search for your own purpose, happiness, 42, to share our experience with others, to breed, and so fourth. I'm writing a journal entry about this, well because the idea of "worth" is something else that finding the purpose.
------Now is life worth living? Originally, I'd think yes, I mean I have come so far I have yet a long way to go. But as I learn more there are these things, things that I'm not even sure about anymore. As I graduated high school this summer, as I became 18 years of age last year and technically an adult. I found that the world gets colder and harder. Right now, I'm in my freshman year of college; Its pretty chill so far but I feel as if it is just the calm before the storm, as it always has. But I'm thinking at the end of it all, is it really worth it?
------So maybe next few years I get a degree, find myself a job, but there's so many choices, so many things I might f*ck up. Sure I opted suicide once, last year due to stress, to cultural pressures that I hate so much. I just remembered why I was never in good terms with my mother, because of her ways of thinking. Even after college I still have to find a way to pay for my loans and sh*t. I don't know it just seems too much work. I wish I'm Immortal so I don't have to worry about things like this, I wouldn't mind the side effects of loneliness because I have always felt that I'm alone.
------I don't know where this journal entry is headed. Sometimes I wish I'm in a coma hooked up into a machine, dying slowly however living in a world of pure imagination, living in a world of my creation. Where I could be in my dreams, I could fall in love with me of the opposite sex, because basically I dreamed of it. Sometimes I wish that the world I'm in is only a dream as well. We all need fresh starts.
------I don't know what to do in the future... I should have joined the military when I graduated high school so that I could at least go to my dream world faster, that I don't have to live in this dying world. I don't even know why I exist in the first place, I don't even know why I'm thinking these thoughts, or speaking this language. Ironic, because all this does is send me back to where I was standing, to continue on to search for an answer worth living for.
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