Well tonight I've come to the realization that I'm currently in the process of evaluating whether the new friends I have at Post are really friends or not. I have no idea...
Sometimes I try to reach out and contact them, but I never get any replies. I also feel like I'm the odd one out... I don't feel like I'm "part of the group" very much... I also feel like I'm a victim of being taken advantage of. They'll hang out with me whenever they think they can use me for something. That's the kind of impression I get, and I don't like it much... If there's one thing Saara, Phil, Jill, and Stephanie all taught me, it's this: You never know somebody, until you really get to know them.
I always thought of Stephanie as a reasonably intelligent, solid girl. I felt like she had goals for herself and she knew exactly what she was doing... that is, until she revealed to me earlier this month that she was going to move in with her boyfriend. That startled me quite a bit inside, but on the outside I looked like I made myself appear like "Oh, okay... Have fun with that." Based on my experience with online relationships and friendships in general, moving in with a guy Stephanie has only known for less than half a year is probably the most idiotic thing she could possibly do. And ontop of that, she met HIM online TOO. He could be hiding ANYTHING from the girl and she'll never know it. How could she put so much trust in him in such a short amount of time? Because he's nice? Because he acts like he understands her? LOL!!! I had the same sort of thing going on with me and my ex Saara, and LOOK HOW THAT f*ckING TURNED OUT!!!!! XDDD
I don't mean to be harsh, and trust me, I know Stephanie is a really sweet girl and she absolutely means well for herself.. But she obviously doesn't know what she's getting herself into here. As a guy that's been through the sh*tfest of online relationships, I think I have developed excellent judgment by now what sounds fishy and what doesn't. And, I'm sorry, but to me, this thing Stephanie has with her boyfriend just sounds fishy... But in all due respect, if on the offchance things happen to turn out completely fine for her, then more power to her!
But not only did Stephanie reveal that to me, nope... That's only HALF of it. She ALSO revealed to me that she's dropping out of school. And before I was even ready for it, she was gone. She's not here anymore. Well, you know what? I wouldn't have done that if it were me, but honestly, it's not my problem. XD So all I've got to say about that ordeal is, if she can get a full time job that can help her be independent, and if she can make out alright and be happy, then happy trails my friend. Lol.
Stephanie's not the only person that's given me weird feelings. Oftentimes I will text Anyi and Chris, and they never respond. I texted Julia tonight, and she never responded either. She obviously had the time to, because she went on facebook and Facebook will say whether a person has seen your message or not. Well, she got my messages-- she just ignored them. I get that A LOT from people, and it annoys the f*ck outta me. It also seems like no matter what I try to do, no matter how many times I try to talk to people, they're so engulfed within their smartphones, their video games, or their computers. I really feel like I should have been born in the past... >.>
This is the kind of sh*t that makes me re-evaluate who my actual friends are. I know for sure that Ryan is my true friend. Billiam Whittington is likely going to be my true friend as well, though I haven't known him as long as Ryan, so I still need some time with him (I'd say it's a pretty safe bet though). It's just really sad that I even need to do this sort of "checking" with people. I shouldn't have to. They should just flat out be telling me "I don't have any interest in talking to you." What are they afraid of, hurting my feelings? LOL!! My heart's already been CRUSHED!!! I know what it feels like to be beaten to DEATH emotionally, so I can take anyone's rejections ANY day! XDD Just f*cking be honest and straightforward with me! That's all I ask.
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