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Not A Daily Journal - Legacy
[Insert old rock music here] I s2g.. this damn description.. can never think what to write here
Six day's of constant thinking
I've decided to change. I want to change. I need to change. These past six day's have been different than the norm. I am going to write the most stupidest, cheesiest, despairing, hoping, and just down right bad essay. But I dont care. I need to jot this down, and stick to these rules if I want to make a change.
On Wednesday, my school hosted there homecoming week carnival. I had been looking forward to going for awhile now, reflecting on last years fun events. So at video club, I did something I normally would not do. I asked Duncan to come with me to the carnival. He accepted, and I met him later at the venue.
In short, it was terribly boring. There was nothing to do. We just walked around and small talked to whole time. There is something I learned from this experience. I can small talk. I should have lead the conversation more, and tried to built off those small awkward silences and boring topics. I wont regret what I didn't do, this is a learning trial and an experience.
Thursday and Friday were not noteworthy, not that I remember what happened. Yesterday is of great importance. I would deem this the turning point in my journey.
Yesterday, we held the Hum;Cast. I will divulge into more detail about what happened later, but needless today, only one thing really matters. The fact that I dont talk. This is a podcast, and I can't work up the courage and strength to debate among my friends?! This has really gotten me worked up. So worked up to the point, I decided I needed to do something about it. It does not help that Heavenly has decided we need less members. As well all know, I will be the first kicked out. I need to prevent that from happening!
Today, I came up with tips for myself to help my social problems. First of all, I need to ask the guy's for help. I will wait until the topic comes back up, then have a 20 Second Power Up! Next goals I've decided to work on is school life. I am boring, I am quiet, I am shy, I am a bad talker. I've come up with some steps to change this.
First of all, I need to talk more in Art Class. To the girls around me? No, there hopeless. I cant successfully communicate with them, as I will never be on the same page. Now Austin on the other hand, has potential While he is autistic, I see no problem in that! He's very nice, and needs help alot, and we both like video games. I could easily strike up a conversation with him about video games, and take it from there.
In my AP classes, It's more about putting myself out there by participating. In AP world I need to participate more by raising my hand. Only a few kids answer the questions, and our teacher wants everyone to help. Great opportunity to get explaining experience. With AP Psy, I just need to work up the courage to participate in the experiments. They look really fun! Except all I do is watch. That is terribly boring. Class would be much funner if I actually tried.
Now onto Technology. Being in a class with 30 boys and 3 girls (including me) gives me a great opportunity to talk to the opposite sex. While this is really not a problem, as my best friend is Patrick, It's still talking experience. I need everything I can get. Now with Math I will do sh*t nothing, because I sit around alot of popular people. Math will be my information gathering class.
Finally to Language Arts. This is were I need to combine everything I know to participate in debates, write papers, and just be helpful and not a parasite. My biggest problem is I can't properly organize my thoughts and put them into words. I figure I may get practice in LA, but the Hum;Cast would be a better place to really get experience. My last class, Chemistry, I just need to raise my hand more to answer questions. Don't be scared if I get something wrong. As she does pick people randomly when nobody raises there hand, I have already had experience talking.. I just need to get something wrong. Recognize that feeling, and not be taken over by it.
All of this is because Heavenly decided to kick people out of the Hum;Cast. Personally I am scared, but determined to make a change.
(Wow this is long.. and personally one of the best journal posts ever. The title also sounds so deep. Well, time to go to Oma's. Now if only I would study for Chinese...)

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