Let me start by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you. (Wait wait wait.... before I go on, NO I'm not breaking up with you. I love you.) I just... I couldn't handle saying this to you. I wanted you to feel like I was okay until you dozed off. Needless to say... I'm not. I'm sad, I miss you, I'm worried like hell, and I'm pissed at your mom/ Hansen because they're the only reason I won't see you. I'm worried like hell because when you do that it means I'm that much closer to losing you. If I lost you, especially like that, it would kill me. I know I sounded calm about the fact that I can't do anything but.... I'm not okay. I try and keep a calm face about everything because I need to. I keep my head straight in the moment and later deal with my emotional bullsh*t. The rest kind of goes together. I'm pissed at them cuz of what I already said, I miss you like crazy and... I need you. I do. I don't care how chill I seem, I need you. Please don't think this is me trying to guilt you into seeing me or some sh*t because it's not. Honestly if the only way I can see you is without your mom knowing then... we shouldn't. That just makes them right about us. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if this hurts you. I didn't want it to but... I don't know. I feel like sh*t. I'm sorry. I had to tell you.