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Envy is my reality.
Cursed to live an unhappy life,
while others live the opposite.
Watching and waiting...
Observing the situations...
Then walking in when I feel it's opportune.
I've studied closely,
learning as much as I could about the subject.
And, in time, we've grown fond and close.
So, it's time to see if what I've felt and observed is actually how I've perceived it.
................
Success...
Failure...
It's all relative.
Unhappiness...
Misery...
Humiliation...
Depression...
Despair...
In the end,
no matter how it plays out,
these are my only "truths."
Time...and time...and time again...
I've tried to fight it...
I've tried to change it...
But, there are no permanent alterations...
................
Cursed to watch as others live in contentment,
while I sit unfulfilled.
Some engaged in successful or new romances...
Some content without a romantic companion...
And, others with working agreements of mutual...satisfaction.
But, what of I?
Why must I be denied?
Why must fate laugh at me,
or tease me with new prospects,
only to yank them away at the end?!
Jealousy?!
No. Way off the mark.
I want to be happy with someone,
be it romantically or sexually...
Or, I want to be able to be content without romance.
I've tried...and I've failed...too many times to count.
Happiness does not exist for me.
Contentment is so far from my reach that it's a joke to fathom.
Misery is all that I have.
Misery...
And envy.