"How are you feeling today?"
Like s**t, I'm doing this way more than I expected I would.
My addictive personality takes over way to easily.
"What are you saying?"
I'm saying I make habits way to easy.
"Well how is your day so far?"
Pretty crappy, I decided not to go running, and I didn't try and make an appointment.
"An appointment for what?"
Jason says I should try going to West Valley so I can go straight to a four year.
"Do you even want to go to college?"
Honestly there's a tie between the two things I want most lately.
"And what are those two things?"
Alejandra and some ******** peace.
"And by peace you mean?"
******** death, I'm so tired of life.
"Yet your other wish is life with another person, why is that?
I don't know she makes life seem enjoyable I guess.
"So much so that you're willing to give up your "peace"?
It sure does seem that way doesn't it.
"What do you mean by that?"
Lately I've been thinking if there is supposed to be some great happiness after death then wouldn't mine have Alejandra in it?
"Do you really think God would take you into his kingdom?"
I forgot you were religious. I don't know much about God but isn't he supposed to be forgiving and what not? I haven't done anything too horrible, unjust thoughts are apart of living on earth.
"Rationalize it anyway you want you and I both know you're going to hell."
Yeah maybe so, I have done some pretty intense s**t here and there.
Well I don't think it could be as bad a life is for me.
"What makes you think that?"
Well I'd be there with other people of my nature so I wouldn't be alone. Even if I was alone I'd be to busy burning in hell fire to notice or care. Pain blocks out all the noise, always has always will.
"All this constantly festers in you, you do know you have a third option right?
You know maybe I will sign up in a mental asylum, if they kept me drugged enough. Otherwise I might be the patient who eats flesh.
"Why are you so drastic in your fantasies?"
Let's answer your question with a question. Why aren't you there to rationalize?
"What do you mean?"
You're a figment of my imagination I've created to talk to when I'm deciding things.
I guess you could say you're my fake conscience. Yet you're only there when I feel like talking to myself. Why can't you show up when a real conscience is supposed to?
"You said it yourself I'm fake, I can't do what something real is supposed to do, I'm faulty. You cannot falsely create something out of nothing."
I can if you're just an idea that makes you real to me. I could share you with others and your idea would form, I could draw you and your idea would take a shape.
"It isn't wise to argue with yourself and you should know this."
I should know a lot of thing shouldn't I?
"You should but you don't and here you are talking to yourself."
You know maybe I was always searching for you.
"When you used to play surgery on yourself you mean?"
Yeah maybe deep down I was searching for a conscience that wasn't there. Now I'm stuck with a fake.
"Quit rocking it doesn't look right people will stare."
There isn't anyone here, there's never anyone here.
"Practice makes perfect dear boy."
Whatever, my back is hurting again.
"Take is easy on those drugs, or you'll start getting worse."
What could be worse than I am already?
"You wont be hearing me you'll be hearing the others. You do remember what that was like don't you, all the shrieks, screams, whispers, and commands."
Yeah, I guess so..
"There you go revert back to yourself and let me help."
I guess I have no choice, no one is there but you..well me.. I guess.
"Indeed take deep breathes and put the pills down. You don't need those to be happy, you only need me and my wise words to guide you."
Well a fake is better than nothing I guess..
"You're right it is, now listen to me or I'll let them back in."
You couldn't do something like that. I could just take those pills, and I guess I wouldn't hear you anymore. I wouldn't have to listen..
"Then let us see which is stronger, your fake or your drugs."