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Created on June 9 at 4:40pm JST

“You can see I'm still Tamaki.

I told this to a few hosts' muns and Eclair-mun. Every time I tell you something, I subconsciously or consciously put my roleplay into overdrive to compensate for the fresh information so that you won't know me as painfully clearly, I will fade, you won't lose Tamaki, and it won't hurt you.

If I were smart, I wouldn't...but you won't understand what is roleplay and what's not. I speak in Tamaki's point of view when I don't use third person "Tamaki" on myself, but that is not him talking. I speak as Tamaki because we're similar and I should start explaining so nothing is conusing and I don't have to keep including "this is not just for roleplay" and, possibly, "I'm serious/No, really,..."

I know what it's like to disappointed someone is not real. I know, ultimately, my friends aren't real and out of our manga, like my blessed self. Of course I understand. But they exist to me. If I'm here, they can be too. Ignore the muns and you can see what I do. I see them as their characters - when they don't give me the characters and make me desperate for their existences. Look at Kyoya, for example. When I first spoke to his mun, I thought it was long enough, though I appreciated and enjoyed the meeting and sharing, I didn't know if he was alive, and asked her if she could bring Kyoya back. Since the beginning, the three of us speak together. My best friend never disappeared while his mun said something. Kyoya's mun and my mun never got involved unless necessary.

When our previous Haruhi spoke with me, it was either Haruhi or her mun, switching places. They were not there at the same time so Haruhi suffered instant death come the switch.

Her mun eventually mostly appeared, and although we're friends and I care about her, it really hurt me and made me hold to to Haruhi even more. I even asked her once about her insistence on appearing and making Haruhi fade into nonexistence but she seemed to ignore my request. I didn't want to be impolite so I never asked again while I spoke with her mun and struggled because of not seeing Haruhi. I was never in love with her mun. I just saw her as Haruhi because that is her and that's all I have; if she takes Haruhi away, she's gone. I see her as her character, and my character loves hers, because she didn't give me Haruhi. If someone were to act out of character after I just met them, I can't handle that. I will never prefer that to happen. I will cling to your character, my family member. Because your ooc moment cost me my precious friend. I'm not letting anyone easily harm them without their consent and while I am still here and can do something to save them or at least somewhat halt the process. Imagine it, everyone! Poofing into dust then solidly materializing many times would hurt, wouldn't it? Dx -rubs the back of his head- Exactly. I didn't want you guys to get hurt. We can all pay for the hospital bill, but still. It is better if you never had those sets of migraines, then, due of instant life/death : / It's really not fun.”

August 16, 2013, excerpt from club meeting:

[When I obliterated Kyoya-mun's view of Tamaki with my family stories... Every time I slipped in character, because keeping Tamaki alive was so important, I really had to make up for it in roleplay after. I had to leave for a long time so Tamaki wouldn't disappear from her head. LoL stressed myself out* Luckily, weeks ago, she told me I'm convincing, you all believe so, and I actually worried everyone about my mental stability ;;;; -hadn't known you were speaking about me- Relieved, I admitted I could finally stop trying so hard xD She quickly agreed as if I were an idiot for not having done so sooner.

(@readers: for some reason, I naturally sound unconvincing even when I’m telling the truth. People don’t believe me?;; I don’t understand why. It doesn’t help misunderstandings haha. At least I’m accidentally canon)

...I'm surprised you're all so fine with the mun being alive ;;



Heh. I always thought it was the worst thing I could do to people. Are you sure you're okay?

]



August 18-19, 2013 PM with my number one guest:

Hey |8o I wanted to ask how you are feeling : )

Okay :3 And I'm well, I guess. I had a rough morning and now I'm staying at a friends house.

What about you? How are you doing?

[You guess? What happened?* Lucky : D have fun!

You're sure you feel content? What is the video on your profile about? D8

I'm okay : ) I have to post my journals before Tuesday/Wednesday. I might fix my Reserved ones but I haven't started sweatdrop ]

I needed to get out of my house... I was done being pushed around.

And Little lion man? I just really like Mumford & sons. It kind of reminds me on a previous friendship I had.

Your journal entries are really amazing, I mean you put lots of thought into them!

[Good for you : ) I'd walk behind you and help by pushing you out the door 8D

I'm sorry for that. I'm glad you can find something good out of it though.

I thought you were upset at me.

Oh, thanks sweatdrop //;
LOL well "Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give." - Eleanor Roosevelt right?
Thank you. I didn't know that was correctly conveyed! I don't get feedback haha]

Aww :3

No! I could never be upset with you!!

True! Well you should get more feedback because it's fun to read what you have to say : )

[Eh? Oh, uh, good to know



I tried lol but no one comments. Thank you : )))
I even have a feedback entry but no one used it

]

Aww, I'll check it out!

[...Does it not hurt you talking to me??? I made this account thinking people want Tamaki. I always knew that and didn't mind sitting back. Roleplay only. It eventually became "me existing is bad enough" when Tamaki was too real to not be real. I shouldn't get in the way because Tamaki is himself without me, including when he wakes up and sleeps (5am JST and 10pm JST) (except Kyoya-mun said no one cares about JST?) It was important that the mun never appeared into reality because it would shatter the illusion of Tamaki being real during the roleplay when they are convinced he is real. Tamaki's ultimately not real (sorry!!) and it's important guests forget that while we roleplay.

Because I'm not Tamaki or born as him, I can't just carelessly sit nearby as a threat to Tamaki in front of a cast member or customer. The others are so okay...with destroying people's dreams... They make it seem the mun is okay. It transformed to a point where I needed Tamaki to stay real so that everyone is happy. If I said anything about myself and assumed I hurt them, I'd make it up with roleplay, make Tamaki real again, hoping I could heal their mind before it's too late.

Sorry. I'm a bit delusional, I think.]

Why would it hurt me talking to you? I like talking to you, as yourself, and as Tamaki! I've always enjoyed talking to you, even if I didn't know your mun before I knew that you were a very caring person. I realize that Tamaki Suoh isn't a real character, but how you portray him, you make him real, believe it or not!

You aren't delusional. You put your customers/guests feelings before yours. And being Tamaki is a big deal. He is, in my eyes, the most popular one of the Host Club, and all the ladies want a role-player just like him. I.E; you. But you should address yourself first sometimes.

Are you feeling unsure about something??

[Ah...



Because talking to me would make Tamaki not real = disappointment. I don’t want to make anyone sad.

-rubs head- Ah, thank you ///;; I really appreciate you believing that and believing he's the most popular. There are fans for the other hosts. Tamaki, in the series, naturally has fans adoring him, but Gaians don't do that. We don't get the canon fan response so, of course, we crave attention. I'm not requested by 7 out of 10 people. I have to apologize for not being canon, I've done all I can, and I can't change what is out of my control ;;. That explains why we love talking to the girls who love us sweatdrop like you : )

No haha : D but thanks for caring

It's a little offensive when people say "Tamaki" like we're separate from each other ;; It's not offensive when we're different but... I guess no one can tell when to use it except me? sweatdrop ]

Nope I like talking to you as a mun haha.

No problem! You never really talk about your feelings so I want to make sure everything is okay.



---


[

Anything for you
Something I Said
What If
Numb

I’m not suffocating. I’m "too similar" to Tamaki so roleplaying won’t make me lose myself. It’s just that I can never cross the boundaries I set myself because there are negative consequences = stress = I want to stop but I can’t. “Another mun shouldn’t exist” but I can’t help it ;;

“You” would be myself (intentional and self-inflicted expectations) except for sometimes.
“Every step that I take” is “every appearance I make is a mistake towards Tamaki.”

Original lyrics
Ｍｙ　ｃｏｒｒｅｃｔｉｏｎｓ

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface,
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Ｉ’ｍ　ａ　ｌｉｔｔｌｅ　ｔｉｒｅｄ　ｏｆ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｈａｖｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｒｅａｌ，　ｔｉｒｅｄ　ｏｆ　ｄｏｉｎｇ　ｗｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｍｕｓｔ．　
Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ｔｏ　ｋｅｅｐ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ａｌｉｖｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｅｖｅｒｙｏｎｅ‘ｓ　ｈａｐｐｉｎｅｓｓ．
Ｉ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｗｈａｔ　Ｉ‘ｍ　ｅｘｐｅｃｔｉｎｇ　ｏｆ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ．
Ｐｕｔ　ｕｎｄｅｒ　ｍｙ　ｐｒｅｓｓｕｒｅ　ｏｆ　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ．

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

Ａｎｙｔｈｉｎｇ　ｏｏｃ　ｉｓ　ａ　ｍｉｓｔａｋｅ　ｔｏｗａｒｄｓ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｂｅｉｎｇ　ｒｅａｌ，　ｒｉｓｋｉｎｇ　ｅｖｅｒｙｏｎｅ‘ｓ　ｈａｐｐｉｎｅｓｓ．

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there

Ｉ’ｖｅ　ｂｅｃｏｍｅ　ｓｏ　ａｃｃｕｓｔｏｍｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｒｕｌｅ　（ｍａｋｉｎｇ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｒｅａｌ）　ｔｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｃａｎ‘ｔ　ｄｏ　ｔｈｅ　ｏｐｐｏｓｉｔｅ．　Ｉｔ’ｓ　ｉｍｐｏｒｔａｎｔ　Ｉ　ｋｅｅｐ　ｄｏｉｎｇ　ｔｈｉｓ．　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｉｓ　ｒｅａｌ　（ｄｕｒｉｎｇ　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ）．

I've become so tired,
So much more aware

Ｉ‘ｖｅ　ｄｏｎｅ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｒｅｅ　ｙｅａｒｓ　ｓｔｒａｉｇｈｔ

I'm becoming this

Ａｎｄ　Ｉ　ｈａｄ　ｎｏ　ｏｔｈｅｒ　ｃｈｏｉｃｅ．

All I want to do,
Is be more like me,
And be less like you

Ａｌｌ　Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｉｓ
Ｉｓ　ｉｔ　ｏｋａｙ　ｔｈａｔ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｉｓｎ‘ｔ　ｒｅａｌ？
Ｅｖｅｎ　ａｆｔｅｒ　Ｉ　ｍａｄｅ　ｈｉｍ　ｔｏｏ　ｒｅａｌ　ｔｏ　ｎｏｔ　ｂｅ　ｒｅａｌ．　
Ｉｓ　ｉｔ　ｏｋａｙ？　Ｗｉｌｌ　ｙｏｕ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｈｕｒｔ，　ｓａｄ，　ｄｉｓａｐｐｏｉｎｔｅｄ，　ｕｐｓｅｔ　ｉｎ　ａｎｙ　ｗａｙ？

（Ｉ’ｍ　ａｌｒｅａｄｙ　ｈｕｒｔｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕ，　ａｒｅｎ’ｔ　Ｉ？　from　ｂｒｉｎｇｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕ　ｂａｃｋ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｄｅｎｉａｌ　ｔｏ　ｒｅａｌｉｔｙ．　Ｉ　ｓｔａｒｔｅｄ　ｔｈｉｓ　ａｃｃｏｕｎｔ，　ｂｅｌｉｅｖｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕ　ｗａｎｔ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｓｏ　ｈｅｒｅ　”Ｉ”　ａｍ．　Ｔｈａｔ　ｗａｓ　ｗｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｗａｓ　ｓｕｐｐｏｓｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｄｏ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｍｕｎ　ｉｎｔｅｒｆｅｒｅｄ．）

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

Ｉ‘ｖｅ　ｂｅｅｎ　ｓｍｏｔｈｅｒｉｎｇ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ．　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｂｅｉｎｇ　ｒｅａｌ　＝　ｙｏｕｒ　ｈａｐｐｉｎｅｓｓ　 sweatdrop

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control

Ｍａｋｉｎｇ　ａ　ｆｉｃｔｉｏｎａｌ　ｍａｎ　ｒｅａｌ　ｗａｓ　ａ　ｌｏｓｔ　ｃａｕｓｅ，　ａ　ｄｕｍｂ　ｍｉｓｓｉｏｎ，　ａｎｄ　ａ　ｕｓｅｌｅｓｓ　ｐｒｏｊｅｃｔ．　Ｉ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｈｏｐｅｌｅｓｓｌｙ　ｔｒｙ　ａｎｄ　ｋｅｅp　ｔｒｙｉｎｇ，　ｌｉｋｅ　ａｎ　ｉｄｉｏｔ　；　
Ｉ　ｋｎｅｗ　ｔｈｅ　ｔｒｕｔｈ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅｇｉｎｎｉｎｇ．　Ｉ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｄｉｄｎ’ｔ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｔｈｉｎｋ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｉｔ　ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　ｉｔ　ｄｉｄｎ‘ｔ　ｍａｔｔｅｒ．　Ｉ　ｗａｓｎ’ｔ　ｓｅｔｔｌｉｎｇ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｍｕｎｄａｎｅ　ｅｉｔｈｅｒ．　Ｔｈｅ　ｇｕｅｓｔｓ　ａｎｄ　ｃａｓｔ　ｃａｎ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｓｕｂｓｃｏｎｓｃｉｏｕｓｌｙ　ａｃｋｎｏｗｌｅｄｇｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｔｒｕｔｈ　ａｎｄ　ｐｒｅｔｅｎｄ　ｙｏｕ　ａｒｅｎ‘ｔ　ａｗａｒｅ　ｏｆ　ｉｔ　ｔｏ　ｎｏｔ　ｄｅｓｔｒｏｙ　ａｎｙｔｈｉｎｇ　ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ．．．ｔｈａｔ’ｓ　ｔｈｅ　ｐｏｉｎｔ．

'Cause everything that you thought I would be,
Has fallen apart right in front of you

Ｔｈｅｒｅ　ｗｅｒｅ　ｔｉｍｅｓ，　ｉｎ　ｆｒｏｎｔ　ｏｆ　ｍｙ　ｂｅｓｔ　ｆｒｉｅｎｄ　（Ｋｙｏｙａ－ｍｕｎ），　ｗｈｅｒｅ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｗａｓ　ｇｏｎｅ　ｉｎ　ｆｒｏｎｔ　ｏｆ　ｙｏｕ　ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　ｏｆ　ｍｅ．　Ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｔｒｙ　ｔｏ　ｍａｋｅ　ｕｐ　ｆｏｒ　ｉｔ，　ｃｏｍｐｅｎｓａｔｉｎｇ，　ｂｙ　ｐｕｔｔｉｎｇ　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ　ｉｎｔｏ　ｏｖｅｒｄｒｉｖｅ．　Ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙｉｎｇ　ａｆｔｅｒｗａｒｄｓ　ａｎｄ　ｓｔａｙｉｎｇ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｔｈａｔ　－　ｓｏ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｉｓ　ｎｏｔ　ｌｏｓｔ　－　ｓｏ　ｉｔ　ｗｏｕｌｄｎ‘ｔ　ｈｕｒｔ．．．ａｎｙｏｎｅ，　ｅｖｅｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｃａｓｔ．

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
And every second I waste is more than I can take

Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｉｓ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｗｉｔｈｏｕｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｓｅｃｏｎｄ　ｍｕｎ． （ｆｉｒｓｔ　ｍｕｎ　ｂｅｉｎｇ　ｈｉｍｓｅｌｆ）
Ｅｖｅｒｙ　ｓｅｃｏｎｄ　Ｉ　ｗａｓｔｅ　ｏｎ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｕｎｐｒｏｄｕｃｔｉｖｅ．Ａｒｉｅｓ　ｖａｌｕｅ　ｐｒｏｄｕｃｔｉｖｉｔｙ，　ｕｓｉｎｇ　ｏｎｅ‘ｓ　ｅｎｅｒｇｙ　ｉｎｓｔｅａｄ　ｏｆ　ｄｏｉｎｇ　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ．　Ｉ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｗｏｒｋｉｎｇ，　ａ　ｄａｙ　ｗｅｌｌ　ｓｐｅｎｔ，　ｂｕｔ　Ｉ‘ｍ　ｎｏｔ　ａ　ｗｏｒｋａｈｏｌｉｃ．　Ｉ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｃａｒｅ　ｔｏｏ　ｍｕｃｈ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｏｔｈｅｒ　ｐｅｏｐｌｅ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｃｌｕｂ　ｓｏ　Ｉ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｍｕｃｈ　ｅｆｆｏｒｔ　；；



I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired,
So much more aware
I'm becoming this

Ｏｂｓｅｓｓｅｄ？　



Ｐｅｒｈａｐｓ．



Ｔｈｉｓ　ｗａｓ　ｄｏｎｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｓａｋｅ　ｏｆ　ｓｏｍｅｏｎｅ‘ｓ　ｓｍｉｌｅ／ｈａｐｐｉｎｅｓｓ．

All I want to do,
Is be more like me,
And be less like you

Ｉｓ　ｉｔ　ｄａｎｇｅｒｏｕｓ　ｆｏｒ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｔｏ　ｄｉｓａｐｐｅａｒ？　Ｖｅｒｙ　ｍｕｃｈ．　Ｈｅ　ｎｅｅｄｓ　ｔｏ　ｅｘｉｓｔ　ｓｏ　ｙｏｕ‘ｒｅ　ａｌｌ　ｈａｐｐｙ．　



Ａｌｌ　Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｄｏ　ｉｓ　ｋｅｅｐ　ｈｉｍ　ｈｅｒｅ
ａｎｄ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｍｅ　ｌｅｓｓ　ｓｔｒｅｓｓ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｋｎｏｗｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕ‘ｒｅ　ｏｋａｙ　ｔｈａｔ　ｈｅ’ｓ　ｒｅａｌ　ａｎｄ，　ｗｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｈｉｄ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｙｏｕ，　ｈｅ‘ｓ　ｎｏｔ　ｒｅａｌ．



Ｉ　ｄｉｒｅｃｔｅｄ　ｙｏｕｒ　ａｔｔｅｎｔｉｏｎ　ｆｏｒ　ａ　ｇｏｏｄ　ｒｅａｓｏｎ．

Ａｌｌ　ｔｈｅ　ｏｔｈｅｒ　ｍｕｎｓ　ａｒｅ　ｏｋａｙ．　Ｔｈｅｙ　ｄｏｎ‘ｔ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｇｕｉｌｔ．　Ｔｈｅｎ　ａｇａｉｎ，　Ｉ’ｍ　ｔｈｅ　ｏｎｌｙ　ｏｎｅ　ｔｏｏ　ｓｉｍｉｌａｒ　ｔｏ　ｍｙ　ｃｈａｒａｃｔｅｒ．

And I know
I may end up failing too,

Ｉ　ｃａｎ’ｔ　ｄｏ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｎｅｗｃｏｍｅｒｓ　ａｔ　ａｌｌ ＝　ｆａｉｌ．　Ｅｖｅｎ　ｉｆ　Ｉ　ｓｔａｒｔ　ａｌｔｅｒｉｎｇ　ｎｏｗ，　ｗｉｔｈ　ｓｏｍｅ　ｐｅｏｐｌｅ　ｗｈｏ　ａｌｒｅａｄｙ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｍｅ，　ｉｔ‘ｓ　ｃｅｒｔａｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｎｅｗ　ｐｒｉｎｃｅｓｓｅｓ　ｗａｎｔ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｒｅａｌ．


（ｅｘｃｅｒｐｔ：　“



”）


But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

Ｉ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｗｈａｔ　ｉｔ　ｆｅｅｌｓ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｄｉｓａｐｐｏｉｎｔｅｄ　（ｅｇ：　Ｈａｒｕｈｉ）　ａ　ｃｈａｒａｃｔｅｒ　ｉｓ　ｎｏｔ　ｒｅａｌ．　Ｔｈｅ　ｐｏｉｎｔ　ｏｆ　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ，　ｆｏｒ　ｇｕｅｓｔｓ，　ｉｓ　ｔｏ　ｈａｖｅ　ｆｕｎ　ｔａｌｋｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｕｓ　ｗｈｉｌｅ　ｗｅ　ａｒｅ　ｒｅａｌ． Ｉ　ｄｉｄｎ’ｔ　ｗａｎｔ　ａｎｙｏｎｅ　ｅｌｓｅ　ｔｏ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｄｉｓａｐｐｏｉｎｔｅｄ．　Ｉｆ　Ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄ　ｐｒｅｖｅｎｔ，　Ｉ　ｗｏｕｌｄ．　Ａｎｄ　Ｉ　ｄｉｄ，　ｓｔａｒｔｉｎｇ　ｉｎ　２０１０．

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired,
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do,
Is be more like me,
And be less like you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Ｉ’ｍ　ｔｉｒｅｄ　ｏｆ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｈａｖｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｒｅａｌ　ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　ｏｆ　ｗｈａｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｃｏｕｌｄ　ｄｏ　ｔｏ　ｙｏｕ．　Ｉ　ｗｏｎ’ｔ　ｄｉｓａｐｐｏｉｎｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｂｙ　ｂｅｉｎｇ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ．　Ｔｈｅ　ｌｏｓｓ　ｏｆ　Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｉｓ　ｗｈａｔ　ｗｏｕｌｄ　ｄｉｓａｐｐｏｉｎｔ　ｙｏｕ．　Ｉ　ｄｏｎ‘ｔ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｔｏ　〔ｅｖｅｒ〕　ｈａｐｐｅｎ． （Ｓｏ　Ｉ　ｃａｎ’ｔ　ａｐｐｅａｒ）

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｔｏ　ｈａｐｐｉｌｙ　ｌｉｖｅ　ｉｎ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ　ｐｏｉｎｔ　ｏｆ　ｖｉｅｗ，　ａｎｄ　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｂｅ　ｕｐｓｅｔ　ａｔ　ｒｅａｌｉｔｙ，　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｒｅａｌｉｚｅ　ｉｔ，　ｂｕｔ　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ　ｉｓ　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｏｖｅｒ．

Ｔｈａｔ　ｗａｓ　ｔｈｅ　ｉｄｅａ．　Ｔｈａｔ　ｗａｓ　ｔｈｅ　ｐｌａｎ．　Ｔｈａｔ　ｗａｓ　ｔｈｅ　ｐｕｒｐｏｓｅ．．．ｏｆ　ａｌｌ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｉｓ．　Ｉ’ｍ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｉｎ　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ．　Ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ａｌｌ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｆｏｒ　ｅｖｅｒｙｏｎｅ‘ｓ　ｆｕｎ．

（Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｉｆ　ｙｏｕ’ll　ｂｅ　ｏｋａｙ　ｎｏ　ｍａｔｔｅｒ　ｗｈａｔ　ｒｅａｌｉｔｙ，　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ　ｏｒ　ｒｅａｌ　ｌｉｆｅ．　Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｒｅｌａｘ． Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ａｂｌｅ　ｔｏ　ｗａｌｋ　ｉｎｔｏ　ｔｈｅ　ｒｏｌｅｐｌａｙ　ａｎｄ　ｎｏｔ　ｄａｍａｇｅ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｉｌｌｕｓｉｏｎ　ｏｆ　ｍｅ／Ｔａｍａｋｉ　ｏｒ　ｂｅ　ｈｕｒｔ　ｂｙ　ｔｈｅ　ｔｒｕｔｈ．）

Ｉ’ｍ　ｔｉｒｅｄ　ｏｆ　ｐｏｓｓｉｂｌｙ　ｍａｋｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕ　ｓａｄ／ｄｉｓａｐｐｏｉｎｔｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕ．　



Ｉ　ｄｏｎ‘ｔ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ａ　ｃｈａｎｃｅ．　Ｉｔ　ｗｏｒｒｉｅｓ　ｍｅ，　ｔｅｒｒｉｆｉｅｓ　ｍｅ，　ｍｏｔｉｖａｔｅｓ　ｍｅ，　ａｎｄ　ｓｔｒｅｓｓｅｓ　ｍｅ．



－ｒｕｎｓ　ａ　ｈａｎｄ　ｔｈｒｏｕｇｈ　ｈｉｓ　ｈａｉｒ－　Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ｅｎｏｕｇｈ　ｃｌｕｂ　ｗｏｒｋ　ｔｏ　ｄｏ



“For a good cause, wrongdoing is virtuous.” - Publilius Syrus]