I just don't feel like myself today. It was a long, stressful day. It started out ok, but then I got called back to the clinical manager's office right at the beginning of turn. Someone had walked out on another clinic and the state auditor was there. They needed some help. So I agreed to go. It wasn't even that it was bad or anything. But having the auditor hovering over me and drilling me and doing her best to find sh*t wrong made me a mess of jangled up nerves. Then I pick up the babies and get home. Zoe is rampaging around and Michael is sobbing hysterically for some unknown reason. I think his very back molars are coming in. But there's not a damned thing I can do about it.

On top of that, or, actually, running right beneath it the entire time, is the thought that I've managed to lose two friends. One on the East Coast and one on the West Coast. At least I'm even? I know both are busy in their own ways, but how damn hard is it to punch out a few words and hit send? Just makes me feel like I'm not too damn important.

And, in the scheme of things, I'm really not. /shrug

I'm just some chick that lives in Missouri who likes to make people smile.

I'm so f*cking tired and detached right now. Like I'm standing next to myself and the only thing I can feel is the overwhelming urge to cry. But I can't figure out the reason, I just know the tears are there.

I'm going to have to get Justin to make me cry sometime in the next few days. Spanking and biting and choking and f*cking until I just break down in great big hysterical sobs.

I need it.

God knows, I need it.