Been a long time since I've written an entry here, and an even longer time being away from here. So I guess I'll do 1 entry related to what some of my previous entries.. and as per usual, I feel a bit sad and disappointed.
One reason that I'm sad because even though I got a job (my first job) it feels like nothing has change, or if it has, it's probably feeling a bit worse. I have a job, but I'm spending to the point where I have to mega-budget. When that point rolls its way to me, I see things I actually want, desire if you will(?) Then when I check to see what I have in my account I find that I don't have enough leeway in my tight budget to spend the money to actually get it. And god, does that really bring the hammer down hard on the head of the nail.
Another reason is because I'm fighting the denial of still not being over someone, as well as arguing in my head whether I should let go or follow through or~ ignore it; let it bug me like the class bully in elementary classes. Best way to get over a problem is to go to the source, right? But alas, I've taken an imaginary sigh as I type this answer: I can't. Just as keeping in touch with friends can be tough, so is getting in touch with that person. I'd rather not say the reasons as to why I can't just because that's the person's personal business, and I'm here only to put out mine while discussing it here.
And why am I disappointed? Because I can't get over that last reason, and who wouldn't be disappointed over not being able to control their spendings? Also because I look at my life as it is right now, and I don't see any really good changes from how my life was just a few years ago. Everything's just seemed to have gotten a tiny bit worse with a few minor tweaks to the road that my choices led me to.
So that's the end of this a little bit better structured entry. Maybe it's the same as others, maybe not. That's not for me to judge since my judgement would be biased; it's up to the reader.
 jing953 · Wed Jul 31, 2013 @ 04:56am · 0 Comments |
