Damn it, Ale!!
Go do your homework!!!
I'll get to it, honest.
But you keep finding something else to keep you preoccupied.
Yeah, I know..but I will get to it.
You know, I wonder what other people think when they read this.
Well, I'm sure they do it just as much.
Not to the extent that you do.
What? Talking to myself is normal. Everyone does.
Yeah, but who has conversations with themselves?
What is it? Are you lonely or something?
Who me? No..I don't think so.
Well, haven't I always been lonely?
Well, I do have friends and I do have family but I think I've always had that feeling that I can never be as close to someone or comfortable as I am with myself.
Isn't that your fault though?
Well, what can I say? I am my own therapist. And I prefer it that way.
Yes, its apparent but..what about those times where you felt you needed to say it.
I've tried, whether it was my brother or my best friend, and honestly, I didn't like what I was confronted with.
Their faces or maybe it was their tone, I felt mocked.
You know, Calvin was different.
I know that.
I liked that.
I dunno..how he listens. And sometimes, even though some of the things he says won't have any effect, it makes me happy how he tries.
That's how I feel whenever I say something..its not like I'm saying it to try to cheer him up..its more like..hmm..that's what I want to say. I'm not gonna lie. I don't do that. Unless their lies that won't mean a thing, or would mean too much. Sorry mom.
Okay, okay..so why do you isolate yourself in the bathroom all the time?
....I like it.
That's it. Yeah, the privacy, and the quiet time. Other than the humming of the light.
If I just do what I'm supposed to I'd have time!!
I don't know why you do this..
You have bad luck.
Whenever an opportunity comes up, I can't take it!!
What about those times where you use excuses?
I don't do that anymore!!
I don't know..I don't wanna be like that anymore. It was stupid.
You know, I just wanna hit myself.
Like, smack my face into the wall..that pretty white wall with dart holes in it.
Why don't you?
I don't know..
Are you really?
Yes!! This time!!
And not on a pillow!!
I didn't think my closet door would hurt so bad..
Well, it couldve been harder..
I know..if only I was bleeding.
Why would you want that?
Well, I get hurt my head a lot so, I've been through worse. And I don't think it'll swell.
Like that time in 5th grade.
I remember how Yaya freaked out.
You blush too easily.
Its not everyday I get called beautiful!!! God!!
Oh..clean your room!!
Ugghh!! So bossy!!
And do your homework before you freak out about it later!!
Uggghhh!! I said I will!!
My forehead hurts!!
I'm sorry!! You're the one who told me to!
Because you usually never do what you say you should!!
You know..maybe I'd feel more relaxed after a shower..
We don't need to feel relaxed, we need to feel initiated!!
We'll do it!!
Well, we proved each other wrong..now, what?
I don't know. It was funny though.
Why do I talk to myself?
You mean each other?
What is wrong with me???
Okay...sorry everyone, trying to get a hold of myself since I decided to put this on gaia.
College is fun. So far.
And I still wanna see my friends who I miss so dearly.
I wouldn't say I've been stalling, but I've been really busy. The homework really piles up and its only my 3rd week.
Hmmmmmmmm....................I wonder what people would think if I put entries from my journals I used to write in on here. Reading back on it I'm all like, "ha, stupid b*tch" but I guess I've just changed a bit..a bit.
I'm not like THAT anymore.
Lol..I realized, no, never mind. I won't share that with you. I'll let it poke at your mind.
Well, unless its just not that interesting..
I just don't how this one thing feels..
Its quite surprising when I fool myself for a dramatic effect I want to create.
I could be like that sometimes.
Its kinda sad.
Let's see..let's see..
Yesterday, I partnered up with someone for peer editing of an essay and he said my silence made him nervous. I apologized for it and he chuckled. People usually laugh when I apologize, its weird. I started thinking that maybe I just don't know when to apologize, or maybe its why.
Its also not the first time someone said my silence made them nervous. I find that just as strange.
I wonder why that's so.
I've also been told its hard to tell what I'm thinking. But that should go for everyone since no one can read mind..
People also say "its always the quiet ones" but I don't get what that means either.
I doubt I'm one of those dense types.
Well, I'm gonna take a shower. And maybe then I can do my homework.
Well, you can judge. I don't think I care.
Which is pretty rare, for me.
Then again, I don't get much readers anyhow.
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