NOTHING worked out for me, it never does. supposedly everything happens of your own choosing. different choices different karma, and i've had bad karma since i was born . not even a joke . sh*t goes on but i get over it the next day.

The only thing bothering me now, is i've been on the reservation way to damn long, and these edmontonians are waaay f*cking different , i'm so damn horrible with people out there , they aren't even mean, they're just creeepy. And i hate on them first , just for being there. You know what, i'm just a prejudice indian. I'm a racist a bit too. Look, i'm not bragging or proud, i'm honestly disgusted, too! i thought i wasn't like that but apparently i am the worst human being on earth. morally i guess. not action-wise. reason i say not action-wise is because i'm not killing people! i'm no terrorist anti patriotic anarchist.
i love Canada , i consider it the best place in the WORLD. Nobody is nicer than here, and i fear i'm no Canadian because i have NO people skills.
i lived and rested and worked and failed here in Edmonton. I'm no roofer, i'm a poser. a fake, a fraud , a nobody.

Yeah , i gave up on it all. i risked my friendships, because i hate them (secretly)
I left my boyfriend because he never understood me in any way. just his own context. his actions have spoken louder.
I turned my back on a lifestyle that wasn't done with me yet, and that's why i have to go back, go back to the dark , tunnel vision i had since i was little, stop thinking i'm the only one who only needs myself to have fun. i was raised to be alone but alone isn't going to work for a land of living. and i decided a long time ago, i knew who i wasn't . and who i am shouldn't be. I decided i would kill myself on my 18th birthday. i didn't because i thought i was on top of the world. i thought i had a future husband, and my future maid of honor. i believed the biggest lies my inner self KNEW that these things would never be real, because i'm not that type of person to live my dream, i'm here to let others rise up and see the beauty in their self.

So i'm leaving for Wabasca tonight, i would be sad, but id doesn't matter. it's over, i could be broken but how? i wasn't even whole to start with.
i wasn't even helpful or useful or anything, everybody just looks right through me, they see what they want to see. and i see no point in putting up with something when i KNOW my own way out. I just couldn't because i thought of family just before i did something stupid. every. time.

Now i still love them, but i'm done hurting.