I really don't feel like writing this. But I am kind of bored and lonely right now. Which is not a good combo for me. So let me give you just a short run down of what has happened.

I had an affair with one of my best friends. The gay couple that Pride and I hangout with all the time. Yeah one of them. It lasted about a year. It was more emotion then physical. I fell in love. Then when I finally had sex with him after holding out the whole time, he was done with me. My heart was broken. Still is really.

I broke up with Pride. This was about a month ago. It wasn't because of the affair. Not really. He still wants me. I'm not so sure what I want. I'm on a journal to find myself right now.

I tried to kill myself. I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills and almost died. Then spent a week in a metal wellness place. Only a few people really know about it. None of my close friends do.

I've started dating. I find I don't like the whole casual sex thing, so I am stick to good old fashion dating. Of all the guys I've been dating one stands out. I'm not gonna give him a name. I don't want him to matter that much. He is really hard to read which is odd for me. I can't tell if he likes me or just wants in my pants. I really hope he doesn't hurt me like the affair did. I'm not gonna let him.

Things are pretty much a mess right now. I don't know where my life is going, or what's gonna happen. I'm just taking it day by day and hoping for the best.

I just realized something. The you is different. There has always been a you. The person who I talk to when I write this. It's been the same for years. Now it's different. I just don't know who it is. Weird.