I need to get over myself. I understand this has been a thing before but it is really becoming an issue.

The other weekend, Kai went to Jacksonville and I guess I felt like he used to. Just really really alone. I had an exam the same week that I was not prepared for and I just panicked and lost it. I think that was the first time I really freaked out. I could not breathe and I just... couldn't do anything about it.

I guess I wasn't really alone because I contacted Ani to help calm me down, but I know that is only temporary and I just... I don't know what to do. I know we have talked about it and I need a change in mentality. But all I know is talk to other people and drown myself in work. See? This is why I need a puppy, because in my dumb mind, it will actually help me so I don't feel alone and I'll have someone to take care of at all times and they will always be there for me too. I love Kai and all, but I forget quite often that I have to share and I need to try to not be so selfish but it is hard~

Whatever, I will figure it out, I have better things to work on so back to work! smile