Wow, I was just thinking about FFVII's Cloud Strife's dark backstory and just pieced together all this s**t...

The dude grew up as a loser, had a dream of becoming a SOLDIER like his hero but didn't make it because he was a ******** wimp who couldn't even ride in the back of a truck without getting motion sickness, so he had to hide in shame from everyone he grew up with, then witnessed his hero go ape s**t nuts and burn down his village and slaughter everyone, so Cloud had to kill the guy he thought of as a hero, then was captured and experimented on as a lab rat for like 5 years until his buddy Zack broke him free but at that point Cloud was reduced to being a ******** vegetable, until his friend who saved him was brutally murdered right in front of him, at which point he recovered from his vegetable state only to develop some sort of disorder where he convinced himself that he was Zack, then almost right after joined a freaking terrorist group who bomb stuff and all that s**t, then had to go all around town doing retarded tasks to get the nicest crossdressing costume possible with makeup and sexy underwear and everything so he could trick a horny gang leader or some s**t to bring him into his room just to get information out of him, and ends up getting a**l raped by a bunch of dudes in the process, and then a bunch of s**t happens that turn him and some other weirdos into humanity's last hope, and his hero comes back from the dead and murders the one he loves in front of him and mind controls him and Cloud gets ******** into thinking he's an artificially created clone of the very guy who killed everyone he loves, then he gets caught in a disaster that turns him into a vegetable AGAIN for a while, and he ends up having to kill former hero guy after the b*****d becomes a demigod who wants to absorb the souls of the living dead!

Holy ********, I think I'm going to need a teddy bear tonight.

EDIT: This s**t is so bad, it made Facebook crash the second I posted it there! gonk