I'm bored..
I slept again, but I didn't dream of anything.
I would know if I did, my dreams are about as real as reality.
Which is why hallucinations are so terrifying to me.
I reread all my journal entries.
I was quite a delusional young man.
A very active one too.
My how the mighty have fallen.
I do like one of my quotes though.
"The glass is not half empty of half full, it's filled with the water of life. Let's try not to spill it."
If I came up with that myself I could be an inspirational speaker or some s**t one day.
Christine is here now.
She wanted to check up on me after my Chemo.
She baked me strawberry short cakes.
It's a nice gesture and I appreciate it, but I don't want to eat anything.
She says, You're doing this again?
I say, Why not I enjoyed it last time. I find this incredibly fun.
She says, You're such a nerd.
I say, Yeah whatever you like it.
She says, No I love it.
I forget how much she loves me sometimes.
I say, Well good for you.
She says, I met this boy at church today.
I say, That's nice what's his name.
She says, David.
All I can think is there is too many ******** Davids in this world.
She says, My parents like him, and our families are going to a church party.
I say, Churches have parties.
She says, I guess you could call it that, it's just praying and stuff with extra people.
I say, It must be hard doing something you don't believe in.
She says, Today is about your Chemo quit questioning me.
I say, Don't ever take that tone of voice with me again or I'll beat you.
She says, I'm sorry master. You can do whatever you want.
I say, Eat one of my cakes I'm not going to eat them.
She looks so hurt.
I say, Fine just a bite.
I take a bite of the cake it's delicious.
I'm feeling incredibly sick already...
Ughh.... I've never wanted to vomit so much in my life.
She looks pleased though.
I'm faking a smile.
She's watching Spongebob now.
Part of me wants to cuddle with her.
The other part of me is still feeling the burn of the drugs.
If only I could bring myself to care about this woman.
I could make her happy instead of disappointed.
I'm staring at her face like I stare at everyone.
I see every line and mark, and mole.
She is pretty.
However she is a thousand times more beautiful.
Maybe I'm just being too picky.
I really am hopeless.
Maybe I should give up and date her.
I don't think she'd ever dump me.
I could do whatever I want.
She says, Holy s**t Digimon is coming back on, I loved that ******** show.
I say, I never really watched it, just parts here and there.
She says, It was so good, almost better than Yugi-Oh.
I say, I also haven't seen every episode of Yugi-Oh.
She says, Jesus what did you do as a child?
I say, I only remember the big things about my childhood. Memories come and go.
She says, Oh sorry, you're the only person I know with memory problems.
I say, I'm only person you know for a lot of things.
She says, You're also going to be my first.
I say, I'm your first for so many things already, stop trying to rape me.
She says, It wont be rape because when it happens you'll love it, and me.
The things she says to me I find romantic.
However my heart beats to a different tune.
God this sounds like I'm gay...
I get the point I'm trying to make though..
Okay the cake is making me sick, I'm going to vomit.
She's going home now.
I hugged her later.
I'm going to play Arcana Heart 3 now.