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Book of Nero
This is my journal. I am Nero! c:
Sewing shut the eyes of the man who saw God and ceasing the lies that pour from his jaw!
Sewing them shut
He won't be able to hear where the screams are coming from
It's just an endless abyss of pain and torment

Prayers to a God who is deaf and a God who is mindless, or a God who is heartless and a God who is cruel. Nothing you do will save you, nothing you ask will be taken care of, no matter how loud you cry, no matter how sincere a heart you have, your cries will be heard and not answered. A God with the power to make everything okay, but he refuses to. He hears you, He sees you screaming for Him and why does He not save you? He can. You beg Him for mercy, make it go away, heavenly father, but no! He refuses.
He refuses his hurt child. How can He turn away his hurt child? Where is He when it's all burning down? When I ask Him for one thing... when I tell Him I want this one thing, even if there is something better for me, I tell him I don't want to know what would be "better for me"... and still He rips it away brutally. Or, he watched it happen. He let it be that I would become involved and cherish a future and beg Him for it, and despite the fact that I wasted an entire year of my life as a young man, an entire young year, He let me waste my time! He let me, he watched me waste my time and sat idly by as my heart was smashed into invisible splinters. So I looked over at Him and I cried out to him, I reached my hand to a cruel God who turned his head and denied me the future I had dreamed and begged him for, for an entire year. I would lay my head down at night and smile peacefully and tell Him quietly that it's all in His hands, and that I would trust Him, and that I wouldn't worry, because I knew He was at my side.
But, He was not. He would look down at me those nights and just know in his omniscience that it wasn't destined to be... and yet he let me be mislead by a horrible person for an entire year, a terrible whore of the world. So, why? Why am I, a sheep of God, being tormented? He sees the coyotes closing in on me, and yet He doesn't chase them away. What kind of shepherd is He? To see your sheep being attacked by coyotes and to let them attack! What is a shepherd's one duty? It's to protect his flock. So, why is God not doing His one duty? He has one duty, and refuses to fulfill it. So... what kind of a God are we praying to? Just what kind of a God are we putting our faith in, and entrusting with our lives? All these atheists, they say the religious people are crazy or whatever, but if they're wrong, they'll burn. I believe God exists... but I think he's cruel and I have stopped my prayers lately... I haven't prayed, because if He never answers them, then I won't pray... I'm caught between being agnostic at times and then just wondering if maybe the atheists are right? What if putting my faith in God is utterly foolish, because he's on the same level as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy?
"The Lord is my shepherd"... That's a prayer I say (or used to say) every night. So, is he? Is the lord my shepherd? Well, His flock is being massacred, and he's sitting by and watching, He's not doing a thing. In my life... he's never once raised his arms and yelled at the coyotes to get away. He sits and watches them attack. My cries, our cries, we cry out to Him, and he turns his head.

And how does he know their cries?
Because it's your flock...
...that's headed to the butcher!

User Comments: [2] [add]
Community Member
commentCommented on: Thu May 30, 2013 @ 07:21pm
Sin and evil do not come from God. He watches over you in ways you do not know. There is a plan for you that encompasses much bigger than a year of your life even when you think you know better. It is impossible for us to comprehend such a being. We also make choices that lead ourselves astray and into situations we would rather not be in. No matter how dark or rough life may seem, He is always there.
If you wish to discuss this further, I am open. I have seen and experienced things in this world as well, you know.

commentCommented on: Fri May 31, 2013 @ 06:16am
You don't understand my feelings, I will explain them to you in private. I know everything you said, all about how we can't comprehend God and God is a higher form of knowledge and everything, and my mind cannot begin to create concepts that would explain everything, not if I was a billion times smarter than any human being on earth. I realize, Rachel, I've noticed that you're often quick to assume the limits of what I know.

Great One Nero
Community Member
User Comments: [2] [add]
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