idk what to think about now a days. things have been... confusing for me. here i was thinking that the darby situation stoped. i tried to act as if nothing happened and act normal. but last friday confused me. i decided to go out dancing w/her and friend last friday. swing dancing and i think only the two of us went our way 2 dress up/look nice. i had white pants black top and she was black w/white desizes on her dress. there was about 30 min of quick/free swing dancing lessons and partners were always rotating . twice when after i was done practicing w/her b4 the next rotation of partners she squeezed my hand and looked in2 my eyes sayin thanks. idk when she did that i.. was thinking that she was legitimately happy that i came out dancing that night. then wen the class was over the place went hog wild w/everyone free to dance to the dj. i prob danced w/her 3 time out of the girls that i danced with or asked me to. i admit i was screwing up the first few times i was dancing w/her cuz i got 2 excited bout dancing w/her and 2 nervous bout. the last time we danced b4 i left she helped me calm down and told me to just move w/the song. i listened and i wasnt messing up so much anymore. she was having a bit more fun and she was really smilin when we did dance. psh she sayd wasnt half bad, like whats that suppose 2 mean razz . we both had fun. what still bothers me is when i tried 2 hug her she didnt want to like b4... idk if its cuz its public or im being friendzoned even further... + idk who she was talking but i heard from her mentioning "oh he is/was definitely flirting" i really dont know if she was refering to a friend of ours sultan, or she was talkig about me... im a lost monkey atm. like its not even funny. i really hope things settle well between me and darby, we only have 3 weeks of college left and i dont want to be some guy who attempted to ask ehr out and forced her to retreat...

if you asked me what it ment to like or love somebody, i wouldnt know how to answer that question. i wouldnt know where to begin in defining what love or crushing is. all i can really say is that i find darby important to me; i want that its because she accepts me, rather than tollerate me, that she's able to hang around me; i want to be someone that can make her smile; someone that she can depend on when she cant w/somebody else; i want to be a good friend to her and for her to see me in the same light as i do her.

maybe im being selfish about what im asking... right now half the time idk what im doing is because i think its right or cuz im selfish.. maybe i just want recognition saying that hey you did something right, you didnt f*ck up, you know

im not going to leave my girlfriend for darby, i'll tell you that right now. nor will i cheat on my girlfriend. i just... dont know what to do with my emotions w/o losing the people that mean the most to me.

i also watched star treck into darkness and it was awesome biggrin watched it instead of iron man 3 cuz there were no seats ... but it was fine. i think i would buy the dvd for star trek when it comes out razz . cant wait 2 watch iron man 3 b4 it leave theaters...

how have you been doing as of late? i've been thinking of you lately, only so far as wondering how you've been doing or would you do the things i thought u'd do like watch iron man 3 and b a fan girl bout it like u did avengers razz . im sad that theres so much i want to say to you when nows to late that you have to stop being friends w/me cuz of ur parents. i hope ur making the right decisions for yourself lately. the least i want you to do if u cant be friends w/me is to follow your heart and to not let anyone stop you from reaching them. if you want something, i hope ur going to go get it before its gone.

- wtphu

PS. i love you