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I haven't posted a journal in a long time.

So today, Im 17 years old...dont get me wrong it is not my birthday but im just saying.

I have no real friends, and a couple of fake friends. I have been feeling lonely and my family isn't there anymore. Everyday I walk into my room, I expect to see my sisters and brother on their electronics and what not, instead i walk in to an empty room full of silence and memories.

My mom works almost all day and so does my dad.
My brother got friends of his own
and they are all young, it reminds me of how my childhood used to be like
it was such wonderful times now that i think about it

now i wish some of my old friends came by and told me they would like to come in and have some fun with video games, or just come to hang. They would fill my emptiness with happiness, but they arent like that...so that means they are not my friends

The friends i hang around with in school, they are just all fake
they wouldnt stick around for long

I wish i knew how to deal with my loneliness, if i was by myself in this planet i would be so much happier, because i would then know i dont need to worry about others leaving me behind, but knowing that there's 7 billion people in this world and im still lonely, its sad and depressing

suicide isnt something to worry about when it comes to me
im not going to
i promise i will live, only because i care for someone that i love and she as my mother loves me back and would be destroyed to see me die at any moment, only because she works and my dad does and my friends arent around anymore, because then she will focus only on what she did and feel guilty
if im going to die, god has to make that decision
but seriously im tired of living