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Actual Reality
So I have been watching an emotional anime, Clanned. Then I get to thinking, I love these kinds of animes. Not because of the usual reason, good story, good acting, good animation. Nope I love these stories because they always remind me how terrible reality is. That is the only reason I love them. They remind me of the fact that reality is harsh and cruel.

It is really a funny thing when I think about it. These animes are stories of human struggle. Humans who had some kind of intervention or something like that. Generally this intervention is in the form of their next sex partner appearing and dragging them along. Clanned in particular really hits home because the main character reminds me of me. You know except for the fact that there were no random people sprouting into my life. There was no one around to come save me from the misery that I felt there was nothing like that.

However, that is why I call it a fantasy. Because there is no way in hell that I would ever get to have a reality like that one. There is not going to be any kind of pure and innocent person to come into my life and drag me along for the ride. Nope, the only place where people who are even willing to give me the time of day is the internet. That is because when they get frustrated by me they have all sorts of tools for ignoring me. For pretending I am not there, even better they can appear and then disappear, and reappear. It is really funny actually. Because most dramatic animes like this one really hit the one undeniable truth home. The fact that people can claim they want to help, but even if the effort to change is up to me, they still have to put in effort.

That has to be my favorite thing these days. Everyone will instantly tell me that they cannot fix me. Sure they are more than willing to tell me that I need to keep on suffering in this meaningless existence, but when it comes to making things better. They are not there, then they hide behind the fact that I have to want it and it is up to me. Even better are the ones who say I need a support network. Of course their idea of a support network is hearing about all my success and then taking credit for it. After all, without their yelling I would have never gone that route. Too bad I have a father who has done nothing for me and taken credit for anything and everything I have done.

Anyway, I do love these animes so much. Because they are a swift kick in the head about any fantasies and hope I might get. I can watch them and feel those strong feelings and then I can sit back and laugh at myself because I know nothing like that will ever happen. After all, those who are the apathetic shells of people are socially normal person. I have yet to see an anime like this one where a character is exactly like I was. Just present, nothing else. In everyone of these animes, all the characters have at least one friend, if not more. The characters who are like me are always background characters. They appear for an arch and then just linger nothing improves for them. After all, they have no social skills and are males.

Regardless, it does not matter. I cannot wait until I am finally alone, because there will be nothing to stop me from sinking into the darkness and dying. I cannot wait until I am that guy who basically lives in filth because he does not care. That guy who doesn't own a couch or more than one chair because he is too stupid to make friends. In many ways I like this life. Because then I can fantasize about what life could be like. The horrified looks on peoples faces when they see the way I "live". The shocked looks in their eyes when I tell them my real feelings. However, because I am a loser piece of trash. No one will ever come that far. Everyone will just shrug their shoulders and ignore me the same as I have ignored them. That is for the best though. I mean I cannot be having people know who I am. That would make my fantasy for a funeral void.

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