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. J O U R N A L .
Random stuff~ Pictures of me, my gaia stuffs, and art work! A little ranting here or there.
First Spirit Animal Experience
So I bought a candle last week. One BIG white candle that's unscented, cause I can barely handle a lot of perfumes and lotions with scent. One night, I couldn't sleep and since it was already late and 12am with my babies sleeping and boyfriend still up, I decided to use my candle for the first time. I didn't really have anything in mind at first. Just meditate and go from there.

Let me paint a picture for you?
I have an entire room to myself, all my artwork and toys and games and whatnot that I just can't leave out and about where my babies can get at, are in this room. Lol. Even got a child-proof door handle thingy. ;D But its not all out on a shelf or posted on the walls. Everything is packed away neatly in a tall drawer and boxes of other smaller things on top with a few books. I have a desk with pens and papers out and a lamp on top, with a dinning chair at this desk. I have a rectangular end table next to this tall drawer with nothing on it. This is where I sit my candle in the center. My white candle is placed on a white glass plate, as I dont have any candle holders to put it on for the wax. Matches sit on this plate as well when I'm not using my candle. It's not quite al altar yet as I want to find my path and deities before decorating my little table with knicks and knacks.

First step, lighting my candle and turning the lights off as its very dark inside and out. Once done I sit cross legged, and breath in and out before closing my eyes and meditating. When I meditate I pictured a light barrier around myself and my altar or lack-thereof for protection from outside forces if there are any in this house. I have no cleansed my home of spirits yet, I need to get my hands on some smudging grass before I can do that. Picturing the barrier gives me comfort before deepening my meditation, if I can. I still do not know if I have done this yet. . . maybe I'll share this again with others that meditate. Just so I can understand and know if I have reached this state of mind/focus.

In my mind I pictured a large thick forest with a small but not too small pond in front of me. I remember this from my childhood, and so never lost this image of a serene and happy place. One day I'll find it again. ♥ I use this visualization when I meditate, sometimes I talk out loud to myself as I have a hard time focusing during waking hours, boys will be boys. Moving on, I'm sitting there visualizing this still pond, as still as I can get it. . . and just sit/kneel/stand where I am before it, just looking around or up at the sky and bright sun. But there is no sun there. Just clouds and blue, the sun is not in my view. Its more past the trees from where I stand. This forest is a vibrant and a lush green with bugs buzzing all over the place. Frogs and small fish in the pond swim and splash about. Small birds chirp and play in the bushes and tree branches. Its a happy place, but just as dangerous. Behind me is an opening in the forest trees, which is where I would enter from. A man-made trail with tire tracks leading away. Once I let everything live and move around me, I start to make the place very quiet and still with my mind. No more bugs, no more pond life, no more birds in the bush and trees. Just the light and cool wind, light and myself. I'm not calling out to anything in particular, but I try to picture or make out noises in the bush where a spirit animal will come out and show itself to me. I've done this a couple times before and got nothing even though there was a sound and moving shadow. But this time, slowly and cautiously a Deer came out of the trees into the opening around the pond. Its wasn't far away. But it wasn't close either. It watched me stand there, quietly and not moving a muscle. This is where I opened my mouth and ask, "Are you my spirit animal?" This is where I lose my focus for an unknown reason. Everything blurs and disappears, but the animal is last to go. Now its black and I open my eyes staring into the flames of my candle. I breath and calm, then undo the circle around me, and stretch a little.

I don't snuff out my candle just yet. I start to practice some aura work, as Its been awhile. After trying, and without success I give up and put everything away and sleep.

When I wake up the next morning, I don't have any dreams that stand out to me. Just random everyday things and nothing at all. This was a little disappointing, as I enjoying dreaming and look forward to dreaming of new things, strange things, and magical things. This time, nothing significant.

Now I am left wondering if this animal was my first spirit animal. I'm not skeptical, just it didn't speak to me. Just stood there staring. What didn't occur to me from the start was that the night I choose to do the animal spirit search was during a full moon!

And from my knowledge, I believe that such spirit and magic workings are heightened than on regular nights. Also, holidays as well, its stronger than any other day. So, it's likely that this animal that appeared to me is in fact my very first spirit animal with the full moon out and being 12am. Naturally I'm super happy and excited to have my first encounter. I can't wait to see him/her more. Oh, which reminds me, I have yet to find out the gender. Looking back and thinking of the deer more, its both male and female, which is weird. Maybe it has yet to choose one, or waiting for my too choose its gender. I don't know, but it says in a site I'm reading currently on Deer Spirit Animals, that if its female you will have access to much much more than if it was male, on your inner workings and mind and spiritual growth. I wonder! ♥

Next Journal entry will be links I'm reading on this subject and my opinions on them and their content.

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