Another night...
I'm still doing nothing...
I'm going to stop reading for now..
The book is getting better...
I went to therapy today.
My therapist offered to buy me flounder, I didn't want to eat it though.
It reminded me of The Little Mermaid.
He ate it though, right in front of me.
It was kind of like watching your favorite childhood show being raped.
Watching the sweat pour out of its skin, as it's being rammed continuously.
Hearing it moan out for the person to stop, but it gives up and starts to enjoy it.
You know the traditional overrated rape scenario.
Either way it made me dislike The Little Mermaid.
Well I didn't smoke today.
I also didn't drink.
My mom beat me again in the morning, so I was late.
Apparently some girl digs me according to Jesse.
It was kind of awkward, because I kept seeing her around school after hearing this.
Apparently she's a tenth grader, and I dislike dating younger girls.
It's just a turn off.
Maybe she'll have some sort of shitty life or a defect.
A huge turn on.
Hopefully she cries a lot.
I digress my day was boring.
I was mainly focused on my thoughts, as always.
My thoughts were only magnified after therapy.
J.C. is talking to me..
He wants my neighbor to come over...he wants to hurt her...
I'm thinking about Alex unfortunately...
I want a hug..
I just sat here for thirty minutes contemplating suicide.
This kind of remind me of Dorian Gray.
All my sins are reflecting on J.C.
I thought if I stabbed myself he'd have to turn back to normal.
The only thing is, J.C. isn't real.
He isn't real..
He isn't real...
It doesn't matter...
He isn't real...
Reality is a matter of perception, what's real to me isn't real to someone else.
panic attacks..panic attacks..panic attacks...
I gotta stop working myself up.
I'm sweating...
I'm shaking...
My cuts have healed now..
My bruises are almost gone..
I'm on the verge of tears, but as usual they wont come out.
These are the times when I need a drink the most..
The fair....Think positive...the fair...
Funnel Cakes...Ferris Wheel...
Accidental death...
Someone could die...
With my eyes shut so tight I'm still seeing all of this beautiful light.
I love these lyrics so much because it relates.
Unfortunately the song they come from is about drinking.
Makes it harder to resist.
I want to get to school on time tomorrow, but I wonder how my mom will feel.
I promise one of these days I will lose it, and ******** kill her.
Mother homicide as a first...
It doesn't really have a nice ring to it, but it could ********' happen.
At least a murder like that I could hide for awhile.
Of course I'd have to slay the rest of my family.
Just to be sure..
I'd line their bodies up, and just stare for awhile...
Accept the fact that I can no longer even try to be socially accepted.
I wouldn't think people would want to be around the person who killed his family.
I would be forsaken.
I would be remiss to think otherwise.
I'm thinking entirely selfish.
Maybe other people could gain from this, but I doubt.
I close my eyes and see parasitic worms.
Eating away at my consciousness.
I can't say I want to stay awake, it'd be a lie.
Well I'm just sitting her staring at the screen now...
I'm going to take a shower..cold...
A nice long thought soak...
I am Jack's Unholy union..

I like doing that now, because it actually fits my username >.>
Someone on tumblr pointed it out, it made me chuckle a bit.