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So I read this thing on Facebook the other day. It was one of those Astronomy things, and mine of course is Virgo. I always found it eerie how accurately those things have always described me. Apparently Virgos all tend to be sex crazy, loveable, psychopaths like me. But the thing that got me in this one in particular was the section about how Virgos never forget, and rarely forgive. That we hold grudges for very very long times. Sometimes even for our whole lives. And I think about all the people in my life I have never forgiven. My gods there are a lot of them.

Some of it's really stupid stuff, like that one kid I got into a fight with in Kindergarden. We never ever spoke after that, and I seriously graduated with that kid. Or those jerks I use to call friends in 5th grade. Uhga, I would still smile if I heard their house burnt down one night. It's been like 4 years in Plus and I broke up and I still don't think I could stand to be in the same room with him. Sugar and I haven't spoken since she was a b***h to all my friends at my Christmas party more then a year ago. I mean I didn't speak to my own family for a whole year after all that happened with us.

So I guess it's true that I don't forgive very easily. Or if ever at all. But do you know why? I'm a very loyal person. When I love someone, as a friend or a lover or what ever, I give myself fully to them. I mean seriously I am like the best friend anyone could ever have. And I am not just tooting my own horn here. So when that trust is broken, it really hurts. I take that very seriously, and I don't take being hurt well. I tend to turn pain into anger. That anger just builds and builds till it is nothing but hate. Hate doesn't go away easily.

When the person who represents all things good in your world. The person who you turn to for smiles, for warmth in the cold. When the one who is every happy thought in your mind. The one who is the embodiment of your love. When that person....breaks your heart. Breaks your trust.

You know what no.

I have learned to be a strong person. And if being strong means hating those you once loved. Then so be it. I'll take the hate over the pain.