Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals


View User's Journal

Report This Entry Subscribe to this Journal
Pandora's Box [v.4: Paradoxical Tastes and Interests]
you're lucky if I remember that this exists.
woops a rant
since i don't post enough of them over from tumblr or tally them all up anyways.

oh, also, can I rant about my ******** dad? Because he keeps sending me ******** texts and I don’t think he’s quite got the message that I’m not going to talk to him no matter what he sends my ******** way.
He’s sent me at least six texts in the last ******** month, or since my mom’s bday, not sure which. Either way, that’s a ******** lot.
First one was on her birthday, saying that she would have been 58 or something, and “to remember her”. Like wow gee I had NO ******** CLUE that’s what I should be doing or that it was her birthday??? yes, sure I focus on the school calender over my personal calender to the point that it’s my birthday or christmas and I won’t even know anymore, but uh wow thanks for actually, you know, TRYING TO THINK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I WAS BUSY WITH SCHOOL? like seriously what the ******** what if your text message actually made me break down and sob because I wasn’t trying to remember? It only just slightly ruined my day overall because wow what a dipshit thing to say to your daughter, one of your THREE ONLY CHILDREN that you’ve never showed any real care for prior the failing health of their mother.
then like he probably sent on on vday and even if he didn’t, he sent like another one or two and it’s like ????? Saying that he hopes everything’s well and that I’m doing well. Hahahahhaa ******** you you fat sack of s**t, if you really care you’d’ve done this s**t sooner. You’d’ve think that after losing relationships with my brothers and is *barely* building back a somewhat decent one with the oldest, that he’d like, you know, FIGURE OUT HOW HE’S ******** THIS s**t UP?? of course, with my brothers it was a lot more complicated than “not ******** being respectful and treating your kid like s**t and essentially not being an empathetic human and always putting yourself first and your kids second or hell even third to ******** technology.” I mean that was there but they actually had other problems that are seen as more ~legit~ from my oldest brother’s perspective, so whatever, I’m not talking to him about it [and his wife, my sister, actually understands why I’m not talking to him or at least ******** respects it and isn’t calling me an immature s**t for trying to AVOID causing drama???? wow A+ family you know, because actually trying to avoid putting yourself into the situation where you avoid causing problems that would actually like RUIN christmas or something is totally not immature and actually a lot healthier in the long run?
oh but that’s not what I want to rant about, but good to know that I’m still p. pissed about that too.
oh ok I did save one of those. It’s like “When is your graduation? I love you.” like I’m inviting you to my graduation you fricker you only recently showed me any sort of care or attention because I’m not used to constantly moving [note to self: ******** PAY STORAGE RENT/GET THAT s**t OFF THE MIND]
So then my dad sends one on the 17th of March, for Easter instead of St. Patrick’s day. idfk what was up with that, I just assumed that either he wrote it wrong in his iphone because he’s always sending out these sort of mass texts on holidays or he got confused. Or maybe it really was easter on st. patty’s day, who knows. Or maybe, just maybe, he intentionally did that in an attempt to get me to text him back and be like “it’s not easter”, but the temptation to correct was overridden by the fact that he’s just not worth it~
Then a week later I got one that I’ve been DYING to show you guys but I just kept forgetting or didn’t want to get into the pissant mood needed to give it a proper desire to feel all justified and s**t. Like, the tone shifts because I know his little tone for when he says s**t like this
You know you are at one of the Greatest colleges of this country. You can be proud of your schooling. Hope all is well. Love Dad
Like WOW NO ******** WAY!!!!! All the ******** presumptions on this, just, where the ******** do I even begin… The first sentence is assuming that I don’t know that, and while I’m sure my school’s number one at SOMEthing, it’s not what I’m going for. Because there are universities that are great at certain things, not every thing. And if my uni was so great it’d be a lot more compacted/difficult to get into….. He also probably didn’t even research it, just heard it from one of his special kiwannas members [also oh my god i am just so ******** done with his special club because like they’re meant to be helping people get better and he is just the most pretentious self-centered little s**t.]
The next is just… oh man that’s the one that really sets me off. Like wow, what makes you think that I’m NOT proud? Let alone, where the ******** do you get off telling ME to be proud? For one, I haven’t talked to you if I could avoid it since April, maybe May. Christmas I hardly said jack s**t to you and you were lucky I’m not violently pissed at you otherwise your little “cute” deal gimmick of “give me a hug or I’ll steal a wafer” would have gone down a lot worse than me giving you my “I am not ******** around” voice, for lack of a better descriptor.
I am just
so so ******** done with him.
And then yesterday was the anniversary of my mom’s death. I actually didn’t realize that because I am like a week behind on my internal calender [which is why I was confused about the tales ask blog celebrating their anniversary already, because I joined tumblr like four days before my mom’s death. …which means it was probably that day I asked about it oops]. I knew /when/ it was, but realization of what day— and for some reason, my cell phone reminder didn’t go off despite the fact that I had set it a year ago. Just a short little note, because I don’t need anything but two words to remind me in case I had actually somehow forgotten by now, since I couldn’t foresee where I’d be at emotionally and mentally a year from then.
Well, I guess someone just can’t learn how to ******** off, because late last night my phone received a text from a completely different number. Probably an automated service, and at first I thought it was my phone being wigged out and that /I/ had written it, but upon closer look I noticed that it said “your mom” and that it ended in -2000, which are the last four digits of my dad’s cell, or one of his numbers at any rate. It reads:
#########/Type=PLMN/ /Today is the anniversary of your mom’s passing
Because it’s not like I can’t remember the day of her death on my own. Like what the actual ********, have you no ******** consideration for whether or not people /want/ to be reminded, or need someone pounding it into their ******** skulls that she’s dead?
actually, why can’t anyone around here just say dead to begin with? It’d lose a lot of its weight if people stopped skirting around the whole thing
but just
It’s seriously getting to the point where I just don’t see him of being any value or worth to me, an asset, because he’s not worth any of it. And it’s kind of bad when I can’t even see family worth some sort of obligation like financial support, because the last time that happened, I wound up violently hating the b*****d that fell so low and had to continue living with him for ten spiteful years~
Maybe if someone didn’t put his kids last for ten or so ******** critical years of their life [for each of us, not just me!], then maybe… just maybe I wouldn’t be so pissed. I especially wouldn’t feel like he’s worthless piece of slime because of how he said that he saw no point in treating us any differently than like the pieces of s**t his dad did or having any sort of sympathy-respect for him.
Oh, and get this: I’m not just overexaggerating or sounding like some spoiled poor white girl or some s**t. One of my friends’ moms, who was helping us move my stuff to the storage unit, had seen how he was treating people like his kids and the helpers. She even told me that, though it wasn’t her place to say anything, that since it would be easier to start thinking of this as my “new life” and a “new” start and etc, that it might behoove me to remove a few unwanted threads in my life, such as my dad. Which, I swear, when she started off, I thought she was gonna be another person to tell me not to be so rash and respect my dad and ‘he’s still your dad and family’ and s**t and instead it’s like, “maybe you ought to consider taking him out of your life if it’s not in your best interests”.
so there. that’s my rant for the day.

oh also he did send another text on easter. fortunately my sister[in-law] has already told him that it'd be better if he didn't come out. Bless her.

Melody Hikari-Shinu Anson
Community Member
  • 07/16/17 to 07/09/17 (1)
  • 06/28/15 to 06/21/15 (1)
  • 04/07/13 to 03/31/13 (2)
  • 03/31/13 to 03/24/13 (1)
  • 01/20/13 to 01/13/13 (1)
  • 01/22/12 to 01/15/12 (1)
  • 11/13/11 to 11/06/11 (1)
  • 11/06/11 to 10/30/11 (1)
  • 10/23/11 to 10/16/11 (1)
  • 10/09/11 to 10/02/11 (3)

    Manage Your Items
    Other Stuff
    Get GCash
    Get Items
    More Items
    Where Everyone Hangs Out
    Other Community Areas
    Virtual Spaces
    Fun Stuff
    Gaia's Games
    Play with GCash
    Play with Platinum

    Customize your own avatar now!

    Join Now

    Have an account? Login Now!