Lost. That is what I am. Losing one of the only things you still had hope for is a crippling blow. I feel like I have nothing to be happy about. I was building myself up for something that I didn't even understand in the first place. Well, I get it now. My eyes are opened. And they are flooded even as I write this. But tears are just water in a rainstorm. I did all of this. I ended up this way because of me. I thought I could chip my way through to your heart, but it turns out I didn't even have it. That makes this distance feel even larger. The chasm in my chest aches. My heart is buried deep in the ground now. We both went to the funeral and mourned. The headstone says "The most beautiful things make the most beautiful fire when set ablaze."

I was fire, but I think I am easier likened to ash now. And ash will eventually just blow away.