Well I feel as though it is time now!!!
Well maybe I am going to fast, though since I decided on doing this I feel great.
I'm just letting go ya know?
No more lying.
No more fitting in.
Being me and all that, that means.
It will probably mean being alone with my mind, but so what it wont be so bad.
I don't argue with myself now that I let go.
I don't guess anymore...well as much.
The violent urges are more controlled.
I should have stopped taking my medicine years ago!!!!!
Lol seriously though........ I lost one friend so far.
Well not really a friend and not really lost.
Lets just say I OH! sh*t make that two already.
In a span of a week.
I lost Nikki and Charles
Charles was a surprise though.
He was telling me that he was getting a little more psycho.
I was looking at best gore, it's like tumblr but for real life gore...it's so cool!!!!
Anyway we were looking at it and he was disgusted that I liked it.
He felt hurt I felt nothing just like that he was lost.
He never looks at me the same now.
As for Nikki she was questioning me as usual when she found out a detail.
The detail is that I find the idea of rape slightly erotic.
She wanted me to promise I wouldn't rape anyone, and I told her I couldn't.
Which is the truth if I am fascinated by something I can't say I wont do it.
I just didn't want to lie to her unfortunately that was too much truth for her.
She was lost, her idea is she has a limit on how much she can like me now.
However her rationing for it is I see it as her being lost.
Lost to this huge wall that is my sudden lack of conscience.
The moral ground that most people seem to have that sick feeling in their guts.
Though as I lost those two I realized something after letting go of my "love"
Letting everyone else go was f*cking easy!
I didn't even care it was glorious a f*cking glorious moment in my life!
I was so....words can't describe how I felt happy and ecstatic doesn't fit.
Well the way I see it is if people can't accept my view on things than fine.
I just don't want to be around them when they begin to look at me differently.
Oh and trust me they will, of course though they wont say anything.
They'll play it off but I will know it will be obvious.
I might not leave them all though some of these people can be useful.
To entertain me when things get to boring and best gore hasn't had updates.
That's when my "friends" will be helpful that's about all it is for their uses.
I need some Sociopathic or Psychopathic friends.
People who view the world the way I do, who can accept rape as sexy and Necrophilia as the top of romance. Until then I guess I will truly be alone except for the voices, those screams, and those urges in my goddamn head, oh and these f*cking headaches I keep experiencing as of late. Regardless I guess this little split personality of mine will keep me company now that we aren't fighting anymore. I don't know if I won the fight I was fighting or if I lost but in the end I got somewhat what I wanted. I am happy, I'm just going to be alone for awhile. I can handle it being alone is easy, it's people that are hard, whatever it is inside them that makes them so f*cked up sometimes. Regardless of what it is I want to see it sometimes you know? I was hoping the world was going to end so I could finally go around cutting a few people up just a bit... I wanted to know, when that was over I probably would have moved to myself. That or found someone who would like to switch places. One day I cut them up a bit next day them hurt me really really badly...perfect relationship....with everyone as of late coming out as masochists I don't see myself being alone for quite so long...I will need a good sadist though to do me in.... Oh it will be glorious....infinite romance coming from pain....what a wonderful world we live in..
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