So I don't know about you guys, but I have a habit of holding doors for people.
Ask anyone, and they could say I'm cold. I don't like people most of the time, but I am part them. I don't hate people.
At school, whenever I'm entering or exiting a stairwell, I hold the door. Why? Because there are people behind me who have their hands full and I know I would be a huge help if I held the door for them. That, and it's a habit.
Like, seriously, I can't bring myself to leave. I'd be late for class.
A few days ago, I got yelled at, in fact.
"Lucia, why are you so late?!" the teacher yelled.
I was quiet, as I always am during scolding sessions.
I was holding the door for people, I wanted to say. I'm not super religious, but there are some things that faith has taught me. One of those things is that I should do righteous deeds in private, that I shouldn't boast about my goodness.
I feel wrong, you know, when I boast. I keep a lot of things a secret. Maybe I'm too secretive. No one knows what I'm like because I'm so.. unhealthily contained.
Anyhow, there's this boy, number nine. I refer to him by his former jersey number. He's also been mentioned several times in my previous entries. I'm quite confused about it, really.
I don't know, guys, I just don't know. Do I like him? Do I consider him a friend?
I like him, yeah, but I don't want to. Something about him pulls me in, like opposite magnetic charges being attracted together. Something about him is... desirable.
...and, I don't even know what! What is it exactly that draws me towards number nine? Fondness? It can't be, it simply can't be.. That'd be too inconvenient, for me AND for him.
Anyways, a few days ago, I was following him in the halls. I don't know whether or not we were headed for the same destination, but I was right behind him. We walked down a long corridor in the school before reaching the stairway door.
Obviously, you had to open the door to use the stairs.
I have a habit of holding the doors but this only applied when I knew there were people BEHIND ME.
That day, there was no one behind me, no reason to hold the door. Number nine was there, in front.
Now, I was going to open the door, but I thought better of it. Number nine was leading, so he should open the door. I've held the door for him plenty of times anyways.
I saw him walk past the door to the other side, and the two of us just stood there for a bit. He looked confused, and I was, too. The whole standing-super-still-looking-utterly-confused thing lasted only a moment, but let me tell you this: it was the longest moment ever.
Then I took the initiative and opened the door, swinging it wide enough for the both of us to use. He unfroze then, and he walked through the door frame.
Then he whispered something. It took a while for me to catch on what he was saying.
"Oh. I should have held the door."
There was no one behind us, and no one in front. We were alone.
He continued walking down the stairs, and I subconsciously followed. I can't believe he said that. I can't believe he THOUGHT that he should of held the door for me. For ME! Gosh, it was a nice feeling, hearing those words.
I walked with a idiotic smirk of my face. Number nine isn't a gentleman, but he thinks like one, which is basically close enough in our society.
The stairway was empty except for the two of us. After he made that remark about having should of held the door, I said under my breath, "very gentlemanly." It was sarcasm, of course. I don't know if he heard it either, but it felt nice to say.
Well, I just wanted to share that.
Today's lyrics are:
I'll never know what made you run away
How can I keep searching when dark clouds hide the day
I only know there's nothing here for me
Nothing in this wild world left for me to see.
I may or may not have used these lyrics before, but eh. Comment below the song's artist and title and a reward shall be granted! yum_puddi
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