I don't feel a thing for you
I feel cold, and fat. I feel like every disgusting part of me is bubbling out of my face
but I don't feel love and if it isn't that, it probably isn't for you, just for me.

I don't think it's that cold in here but this time says 3:11 and
that time says 2:10. if we were a parable, which would you be?
which would I be?
I would be the brambles that throw you into hell
because I can't give you any shade. and you would be the olive tree,
the fig tree, the grapevine
all of which have better things to do than stay with me.

Today I ate an apple
cappellini pomodoro, vinegar cucumbers, two pieces of cinnamon swirl bread,
vinegar cucumbers, milano cookies, low sodium bacon, eggs, pancakes, and cereal.
I want to throw it all up, but the only thing I want touching the back of my throat
is you.

Do you feel ugly today? Did you
feel ugly? Or did she wrap her fingers around you, her lips around you,
her self around you
and made you forget all of that? I didn't.
I felt ugly today.

It's okay though. I'm just angry, which means that I hate myself,
that the wrong person died and it wasn't you or her because
neither of those things would give me the right to be angry or anything at all
and this does but I don't want it. They're wrong, you're wrong. Was that
my only secret worth keeping? How disappointing. It's no wonder that
I'm not worth the f*cking polyester blend of her garters. The ones you slip your hand underneath on your way to f*cking all your problems to oblivion.

I tried to do that too, but I guess it doesn't suit me. I think my mother turned the time the wrong way. It's spring forward
not fall back. Hahah. That's just like me.
I thought I could be worth something to you
at least until the end of this. you could say,
"that's not fair, what about me? what would I do then?"
don't ask me what you'd do. just f*ck all your memories of me into oblivion.
I'd say that's what you do now, except I doubt they ever keep enough space in your mind to be considered memories. probably this never even happened.

either way i'd be cold fat and ugly