My mom used to complain about her friend painsurfing. Painsurfing is when you look at things that hurt, basically. Things that hurt you specifically. For her friend, it was family Facebook stuff. For me, it's old messages.

I never understood why anyone would do that, before. I'm not entirely sure even now. Why don't I just stop...?

I think it has to do with wishing. I was happy, then. Maybe I can find a bit of that happiness. Keep it with me.

It doesn't work like that.

The stupid part is that sometimes I'm pretty happy before I start painsurfing, and then I kill my mood. I am the dog who lost his bone in the lake.