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The Chronicles of Esan!
I rarely do sincere 'thank you's so listen up. Or read up. Or look up. No, don't look up. Don't look behind you! ...Did you look?
Got distracted. As you can see, my writing isn't as serious today, because I'm in one of those silent yet fluttery moods. Like I'm quiet, not out of depression or any sort of misery, but out of gratitude and compassion for what has been done for me, out of kindness and ignorance. Ignorance in a good way, mind you, for there are two kinds, one that makes you smile and another that gets you sued. Remember that. Anyway, I must thank everyone who has been talking with me on Skype. Of course, while you all have Gaia accounts, I don't think that any of you read my journals, or even know of them, so you will most likely never stumble upon this entry and inevitably never read my thank you. So be it.
You have all been making me laugh and smile more this past month than I have in the preceding four or five months. You've built up my confidence and have bestowed upon me what I thought was long lost, my former self. You've returned me to my bygone glory, and I'm most sincerely thankful for it. You've done a lot for me, and it has truly helped me in all accounts. It's made me livelier in real life, while silencing that dreaded hate that resided within the confines of my heart. You've given me the joy I thought I'd never find in anyone again, and I am grateful beyond words. You've helped me forget about Sarah, which goes along with the silencing of my hate part. Why, I don't even remember her last name anymore. Perchance, once all is forgotten, I can begin anew in forging a friendship with her if we so desire, and it is all thanks to the smiles you've brought me.
Sarah, you are most likely reading this, and I know how you wish not to be forgotten. Truth be told, I don't want to completely forget you, we've shared some truly blissful times together, and those deserve an eternal spot in the vault of my mind and heart. Yes, as my hate begins to disperse, I find myself more honest with both you and myself. I can now truthfully admit that my great, once sole, desire of banishing you from my heart and mind was a folly on my part. A mistake, a thing of regret, motivated by fear and hate. I do not wish to wholly forget you, so I will preserve some of our happier memories within me, and perhaps future memories, if we so choose to talk again. I do not love, nor like, you anymore, sadly, and I can't verily say that all of my retched hate for you is gone, but, what I can say is, that, when concerning you, I feel mostly nothing. Yes, you've returned to acquaintance status, as if we had only met for but a short while. Not a friend, nor an enemy, just someone I know, or knew. Now that does sound glum, but, really, it isn't. It is a blessing, for it means, soon, that I will be able to talk to you again, if you so wish to speak to me and if I so wish to speak with you. Once the rest of the negative feelings concerning you have vanished, I will be able to talk, and treat, you like everyone else. And the receding of hate, and increase of this somewhat bold honesty, is all thanks to the people of Skype.
So again, thank you. You've all restored to me to my old self and I couldn't be happier. You've filled my days with so much happiness and laughter that I could believe I had died and achieved Nirvana. I can never repay you all for the bliss you have brought me and for how much more enjoyable you've made my life. You've slayed the hateful dragon that once laid waste to my heart. So, once again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
One more time. Thank you. Love you all, and, if I'm not mistaking these awkward and confusing feelings, I might even be in love with one of you. How about that. Good thing most of you probably don't read my journals.
Well, thanks again, and thanks for reading.

P.S.
Yes, with my former self restored once more, I will be more talkative, and probably back on meebo more. So let our once glorious friendships bloom again, my friends. I'm sorry for neglecting you all, and thanks for dealing with me in my more troubling times.





 
 
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