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Scrambled Mess My Journal will be a Scrambled mess of poems, and just my thoughts, and character descriptions of books I'm writing.

Community Member
Growing up. Life hit me today. Hard.
Today, we, my fiancee and I, went to Barnes and Noble. Before going to the store, I had every intention of buying a book, until I got in the store. At first, I used to think about how back home, I'd go into Books-a-Million, and I'd always leave with at least one book. I would think about how I read all the time. And then I started thinking about how, during the day I am taking care of two toddlers, and cleaning a house. At night, my fiancee wants my attention. I never have time to read. But that is part of being an adult. Part of growing up.
I almost cried. I almost bawled my eyes out. I've never left a book store empty handed. I've always had time to read. I want to go back to being a little kid, going to Books-a-Million (BAM) with my dad, running through the store, picking out however many new books I earned, and being all jumpy and giddy, getting home, and sitting down in the middle of the living room floor, opening a book and reading it. My mom would make me a pb&j, lay out a beach towel in the living room, put my sandwich and a small glass of milk, and having me sit on it while reading so I could eat lunch.
Why can't I still do that? Why can't I get a new book, and just sit down and read? Oh that is right. I always have someone vying for my attention. Even as I type this, there are people trying to get my attention. I just want to be able to read. I want to be able to write. I haven't been able to write a new poem since before I graduated from high school. I just haven't had time. I hate this whole, responsibility thing. I know, that is life. That is part of growing up. But what if I don't want to grow up? What if I want to be that little kid who reads books all day long? I miss being a book worm. I miss having fun.
Don't get me wrong. I do have fun with my fiancee. I do. But, I want to be able to have time to have fun by myself. I want to be able to have time to just read with out interruptions. Without someone constantly wanting me. I want me time. Is me time too much? Am I supposed to give that up? Is that part of growing up? I mean, if it is, then I'll get used to it. I'll grow up. I can do it. I just don't want to.

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