My mom is probably one of the worse mothers in history of horrible, and crazy mothers.. My senior year of high school, in one of the classes I was taking we were reading this book, the name of it is A Child Called It by David Pezler. The book is about David when he was a kid, his mother was really abusive, and an alcoholic. In a lot of was David and I have a lot in common. I actually got so upset in class I had to leave, and ask the teacher for a new assignment, because I couldn't handle reading that book.. It reminded me to much of my child hood, and that's something I want to desperately forget. My mom was an alcoholic, and a addicted to drugs. And for some reason she hated me, maybe it's because I look so much like my dad.. She hates my father. She stopped hitting me when I was 12, one night something inside of me snapped, and I fought back ever since then she's stopped the physical abuse, but not the mental. She would play mind games with me, and take things away from me just to upset me. When I was 14 I started drinking, and my mom knew what I was doing and didn't give two shits. I turned into an alcoholic, just like my mom, I was on drugs just like my mom.. My life was going no where just like my mom's. I hated myself, I hated her, I hated life, I hated everything. I was so angry at everything and everyone, I blamed my problems on everyone else, I took my anger out on everyone close to me.. Then one day I looked in the mirror one day, I really just stopped and looked at myself, and thought, What I'm doing? Is anything I'm doing making me feel better? I realized I was turning into my mother.. So I just stopped everything, I flushed my drugs, and dumped all the alcohol I had down the sink.. I haven't gone back to that life.. But I'm still so terrified of becoming like my mom.. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'd like to say that my mom has gotten better since then, but she hasn't.. She's still addicted to drugs, and still abusive. I just want to get far away from her. I know this is terrible to say, but I really think that my mother is more use to me dead.
My mom won't ever realize how much pain she's caused me, she's to selfish. And now there's no help for her.. She won't ever change. But I'd like to believe that I still can.